


Snow and Slopes

by tasu7



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Fluff and Smut, I still don't know how to make tags, Reylo - Freeform, Romance, Skiing, Snowboarding, hot tubs, part fluff part smut part skiing/snowboarding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-19
Updated: 2018-01-09
Packaged: 2019-01-19 12:26:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 41,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12410301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tasu7/pseuds/tasu7
Summary: Rey, a ski racer, meets Ben Solo on the ski slopes during her Christmas vacation in Switzerland. They hit it off, but what happens when the holiday ends?Told from both Rey and Kylo POV.





	1. Liftmates

**Author's Note:**

> Hi all!  
> This is the second thing I've ever written in my life, so please be gentle but also constructive criticism is welcome! English is not my first language, so forgive me for spelling/grammar mistakes!
> 
> I love skiing, so I just had to fuse these characters and that lifestyle. Trying to get as much out of my system as I can before Ep 8 drops.
> 
> Peace! =]

“Those are some nice skis.”

Rey glanced over at the man next to her on the chair lift and frowned under her face mask. She hated it when people tried to make small talk on the chair lift. She usually tried to provide one word answers until they stopped trying.

But he was right. She _did_ have nice skis.

“Well I should hope so. They were bloody expensive.”

“Those aren’t even on the market yet.”

Rey looked at the man on her right more closely. He was in all black- from his helmet to his snowboard. Snowboard.

“And what does a boarder like yourself know about the ski market?” she asked. It came out more cross than she intended. This is why she didn’t talk to strangers.

“I work in the industry,” he replied, “I assume you do as well, is that how you got them?”

“I’m a racer, actually. All sorts of connections,” she replied. “Do you ski as well as board?”

“I can, but I prefer boarding,” the man answered. 

Rey turned slightly to get a better look at him. In gear, it can be hard to gauge what someone really looks like. Tips of long, black hair stuck out of his helmet. Nearly his entire face was covered by his black goggles and gaiter. There were no unique identifiers on any of his gear, nothing that would reveal anything about his personality. Rey probably looked crazy to him. Her non-racing gear was decked out with things she loved. Stickers from various resorts and breweries all over her helmet, sky blue snowpants, a white jacket, and bright yellow poles that she had painted green polka dots on herself. She didn’t care if it made her look childish. She was making up for all the years she didn’t have the opportunity to have fun gear and clothes.

Based on his build and hair, he was probably around her age, maybe a bit older. He sort of looked like a bro. Snowboard bros usually travelled around in packs, wearing various colored bandanas, one of them blaring rap from a portable speaker. She looked around at the chairs in front and behind them. No other bros in sight. 

Maybe she had been quick to judge him. The fact that she couldn’t gather anything about him from his gear or appearance bugged her. She was normally very good at reading people, but this mysterious guy was unreadable. The only thing she could tell was that he was American, and that was from his voice. Breaking one of her only rules on the slopes, she asked the stranger next to her on the chairlift a question.

“Have you hit the west peak yet?” she asked. This was a loaded question, intended to allow her to better judge her liftmate. The west peak was very steep and challenging. It required a large amount of athleticism to navigate. The lifties at the next chair that headed over to it actually had to sort of judge your ability before allowing you on the chair. If he had or was planning to ride it, he was probably a quite competent boarder, and a risk-taker. 

“Not yet, they just opened it up last week. But I’m actually heading over there now,” the mystery man said.

“Sweet,” Rey responded, “I was over there yesterday and it was awesome. Part of the glacial mass in the middle must of melted or cracked during the summer, and it left this huge bowl. Tons of fun.”

The man paused, seemingly digesting what she was saying.

“So are you from around here?”

“No,” she said, “I train in Austria. But I come here every Christmas for vacation.”

“With your family?” he asked.

“No, I don’t have one.” She regretted it as soon as it slipped out of her mouth. This was the point in the conversation where people would normally try to sympathize and they would say something awkward.

The man didn’t speak for a moment. Rey internally cringed. She was terrible at small talk.

Another moment passed.

The man finally spoke, “Would you like to join me over at the west peak?”

Rey furrowed her brows. She guessed that was one effective response, just to change the topic. She couldn’t think of any reason not to say yes. She normally liked to keep to herself on vacation, but she was headed over to the peak anyway, so it would be awkward for her to say no just for him to see her there anyway.

“Sure,” she said. At least he wasn’t the most annoying person in the world. She would do a few runs with him, then come up with an excuse to dip.


	2. West Peak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Ben make their way over to the west peak, trying to get a sense of the other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this second chapter is a bit dense with character background, but I wanted to give some context. Don't worry, it's a short chapter! Action and dialogue will be back next chapter! =]

The man finally spoke, “Would you like to join me over at the west peak?”

Rey furrowed her brows. She guessed that was one effective response, just to change the topic. She couldn’t think of any reason not to say yes. She normally liked to keep to herself on vacation, but she was headed over to the peak anyway, so it would be awkward for her to say no just for him to see her there anyway.

“Sure,” she said. At least he wasn’t the most annoying person in the world. She would do a few runs with him, then come up with an excuse to dip. It was her Christmas vacation, after all.

Christmas time was always the loneliest time for Rey. Her foster families sometimes celebrated, but it usually didn’t involve a lot of gifts, traditions, or memory-making. If anything, it reminded Rey that she didn’t have a ‘real’ family. Some years at Christmas she didn’t even have foster parents, she spent it in the group home. 

Christmastime when she was 13 was different. Earlier that year, she had applied for and won a skiing scholarship from a national grant for foster children to learn snow sports. The first day her local hill opened, a group of kids from the system were bussed in and given lessons. She was immediately hooked. She quickly accelerated through lessons, onto the ski team, and onto more grants and scholarships for racing. From then on, she tried to spend every Christmastime on the slopes. That was where she truly felt at home.

So 2 years ago, when Christmas rolled around and she had a decent amount of money to spend from her race winnings and first two sponsorships, she took a trip to a ski resort in Switzerland. She normally trained in Austria, as many European racers do. Her coach was taking a week off for the holiday, and all of her new friends and teammates were visiting family. A few had offered for her to take her with them home for the holiday, but she didn’t think she could emotionally handle seeing what a real family Christmas was like. She was going to enjoy some time off by herself in a nice hotel with some new slopes to explore. Despite training every day, Rey still loved skiing just for the pure adventure of it. She loved the mountain air, the fresh snow, the pure adrenaline rush from getting first tracks in the morning. She couldn’t think of being anywhere else on Christmas than on the mountain.

After two years of the ritual, she had her vacation down to a science. She’d hit the slopes in the morning as soon as the chairs opened, getting in as many first tracks as possible. She wouldn’t run any drills, she wouldn’t worry about technique. She was just enjoyed the resort for its natural beauty and the fun to be had on each trail. She’d eat some snacks on the chair to keep her energy up well into the afternoon. Around 2pm, she’d head back to her hotel for lunch. Then, she did some light cross-training in the hotel gym to stay in shape. In the evenings, she would fully utilize the hot tub and sauna in the hotel, and settle in each night for some relaxing TV and room service. She kept to herself, trying to recharge all of her social energy for the upcoming season.

Little did she know that this plan would fall apart the moment she was paired up with Ben Solo on a chairlift.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ben was suddenly nervous.

For some reason, he had blurted out a request for the girl next to him to join him. And she had said yes.

He knew why he had asked, of course. He was lonely. He was always lonely, but somehow the holidays always made him weaker than usual. More susceptible to the social inclinations that plagued normal people. And the girl was different, unlike other girls. In the 30-second conversation they had, he was able to gather that she was clever, genuinely passionate about skiing, and also alone. And apparently his brain had processed that information as a signal that he should get to know her.

She was a racer, which was interesting. He didn’t recognize her, which meant she probably was new on the racing circuit, or still making her way up the ranks. And it seemed as though she didn’t recognize him, either, which he liked. It was annoying to have to live up to his snowboarding career persona when he tried to have private vacations. He always tried to remain as inconspicuous as possible when he wasn’t competing. As long as he stayed away from a half-pipe and wore gear that covered his face, he was usually able to get away with it. 

As the chair reached the top, he took another glance at her. He was kind of excited. It would be a nice change of pace to ride with a skier. He liked skiing, but felt more natural on a board. The girl was cute, at least from what little he could see when she was decked out in gear. She had a long braid of brown hair coming out of her helmet and cute, tiny feet in bright orange ski boots. Maybe all women had tiny feet compared to him, though, he wasn’t exactly a good judge of that. Her lips had been exposed when she had pulled down her gaiter to speak, and he had certainly noticed how full and soft they looked, a dark shade of pink. He was a sucker for a British accent too.

They hopped off the chair and started heading toward the chair that would take them over to the west peak. She gracefully skated over quickly as he pushed along behind her. She waited for him at the line, watching him push his way up the slight incline that led to the chair. She had her gaiter pushed down again, exposing her mouth. She shot him a smile.

“This is why boarding sucks!” she teased, posing in a waiting stance. “Can’t take you goons anywhere!” she added with a laugh. 

He smiled under his facemask. He liked her, she was fiery, even with strangers.

“Well forgive me, Your Highness,” he teased back, “I didn’t realize it was a race. I’ll be sure to smoke you next time.”

Her bell-like laugh sounded off again. “You’re on!”

They quickly made their way through the short line and hopped on the next chair. It was then that Ben realized he didn’t know the girl’s name. That introduction hadn’t come up in their quick conversation.

“I’m Ben, by the way,” he said to her, giving her his real name, avoiding using his recognizable competition name.

“Rey,” she answered, “nice to meet you, Ben.”

“Likewise.”

As he suspected. He didn’t recognize her name. But she still didn’t seem to recognize him either, which was good. He didn’t want to have to pretend to be someone he wasn’t with her.

Neither of them spoke. Ben wasn’t good at small talk. He felt like this is normally when girls took the initiative to talk, but Rey didn’t seem bothered by the silence. On the contrary, she flashed him another smile when he glanced at her face. Then she turned her head back toward the side, seeming to take in the view of the snow-covered trees that they passed. She was certainly… different. 

So the rest of the ride on the lift passed quietly. He took the time to gather information on her. Her gear was nice, top-quality, but weirdly over the top in color and pattern. It sort of looked like she was attempting to clash. Normally obnoxious gear like that bothered him, but it was kind of adorable on her, because he could tell that she actually liked it and wasn’t just wearing it for the attention. He noticed that the polka-dot pattern on her poles was actually just paint, and looked like they had been hand-painted. Had she done it herself? There was a lot to process about her. She swung her legs back and forth on her chair, seemingly lost in her own mind as she stared out into the trees. He like that she was quiet. She was like him in _that_ way at least.


	3. Incline Train

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Ben get a good look at each other.

When she and Ben hopped off the chair at the top of the west peak, Rey suddenly noticed how tall he was. He looked pretty well built, as far as she could tell through his gear. Her cheeks began to warm under her gaiter when she caught herself staring.

“Ready, Rey?” he asked, gesturing to the slope on their left.

“Ready,” Rey responded quickly, after her pulse quickened at hearing her name on tongue. She took off ahead of him. She was always a little competitive, and she wanted to show off just a bit. For some reason, she felt a need to impress him.

She let out joyful hollars and laughs as she whizzed down the trail, suddenly forgetting for a moment that she wasn’t alone, getting lost in the well-groomed snow and the smooth turns. When she raced, her brain filled with beats and counts, marking each part of the turn. Skiing for pleasure, on the other hand, was measured in sounds, in feelings, in shifts in the air. She could sense the whole mountain around her, and every snowflake under her skis. 

When she reached the bottom of that particular trail, she stopped and turned to see Ben not far behind her. He took pulled his face mask down to expose his mouth.

“Do you always laugh when you’re skiing?” Ben asked as he pulled up beside her, the corners of his mouth pulled up into a smile. Rey couldn’t help but notice how full his lips were. He had a _very_ pretty mouth. She didn’t know whether to be jealous of it or try to kiss it.

“Pretty much,” she answered, embarrassed that he had heard her, “I can’t help it. My coach yells at me all the time.”

“Well I like it,” Ben said. Rey’s heart warmed a bit at that. “I think it’s cute.”

“All right, all right,” she said, “no reason to suck up. I was thinking we could ski the bowl then maybe over toward Hotel Waldsturm, then take the train all the way to the top again?”

“Yeah, that works for me.”

Ben pulled his facemask back up to cover his beautiful mouth before turning his board back downhill. Rey let him lead them over to the bowl, watching his tall frame gracefully carve its way down the mountain. She liked the way he seemed to look around him as he rode, appreciating the surroundings instead of keeping his gaze locked downhill. She liked the way he looked back at her once in a while, her heart skipped a beat whenever he did. There was something commanding about the way he rode- effortlessly confident. It was sexy.

When they hit the bowl, Rey let it rip. She took off across the perimeter of the bowl, winding her way through some trees that were left in it. She saw Kylo making his way down toward the center of the bowl, and took off after him. She could have sworn she felt him smile as she pulled up closer to him. He shouted something nonsensical to her, which Rey realized was just a general shout of joy. She returned with a whooping cheer as she took off faster than him, exiting the bowl at full speed. She couldn’t help but laugh as she led them down a few more trails, throwing him a glance every now and then behind her. She couldn’t remember ever having as much fun with someone she had just met, or without any words exchanged between them. It was like they didn’t need to speak to communicate. They were happy to make their way down the hill in tandem.

Eventually, she pulled off of the trail toward the incline train station where they could catch a ride all they way back up the mountain. He pulled up beside her, giving her a friendly pat on the back before sitting down to loosen his bindings and slip his boots out. She took her own skis off quickly, gathering them up on her shoulder.

“You’re an excellent snowboarder,” she said, watching Ben stand up and grab his board.

“Thanks,” he said, sounding somewhat tentative. His deep voice was doing strange things to her insides.

“Like, really good. Have you ever considered competing?”

He was quiet for a moment as he walked toward her. His physical presence was a bit overwhelming, but in a good way.

“Yeah, I have,” he said, still sounding somewhat unsure.

“Well you should, even if it’s just for fun,” Rey answered.

“For fun?” he asked with a surprised-sounding tone.

“Yeah. Competing should always first be for fun, at least that’s my philosophy. If you’re not enjoying it, what’s the point?”

Ben was silent for another moment before responding, “Mm.”

“Anyway,” Rey said, “to the train?”

“Yeah, sounds good.”

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He and Rey hopped onto an empty car on the incline train which would take them back to the top of the west peak, putting his board and her skis and poles in the outside carrying cage. Ben suddenly realized that it was quite warm in the train, and he’d likely need to take off his helmet and face mask to avoid overheating. _Shit_. It’s not like he was trying to lie to this new acquaintance about who he was, he just wanted to spend a normal day riding with another person like anyone else would do. He was enjoying not having to be Kylo Ren, the bad boy snowboarder, for a day. And since Rey raced, she was more likely than most to recognize him by his face.

They took a seat in their car, sitting across from each other. Rey immediately started stripping off her mittens, helmet, hat, and gaiter. To make matters worse, she was _very_ pretty. Even with helmet hair and lines on her face from her goggles, she was hot. He definitely would have remembered her if he had seen her before. So maybe he had a small chance of her not recognizing him if they had never met in person. It also helped that she wasn’t American. But he was all over TV and magazines, unfortunately.

He was already overheating just watching her strip some of her gear off, although he couldn’t tell if it was due to being too insulated or the way her eyes seemed to smoulder at him through his darkened goggles.

“Aren’t you going to take some of that stuff off?” she asked, looking at him quizzically. “The train isn’t due to leave for another 10 minutes, and then it’s another 15 minutes to the top. You’ll overheat.”

“Uh, yeah,” Ben stammered, ripping his gloves off. He slowly removed one piece of gear at a time, trying to gauge her reaction. He was instantly self-conscious of his helmet hair. Although long hair was fitting for his image, it really didn’t do well immediately post-riding. He tried to subtly give it a shake after he peeled his face mask off. 

He didn’t see Rey’s expression change much, at least not in a way that exposed any sudden realizations on her part. Her eyes did seem to darken a bit. But if she recognized him, it didn’t show on her face.

Ben quickly tried to start a conversation to distract her from analyzing his face too much.

“So. How long are you here for?”

“Another five days,” she answered with a smile. “How about you?”

“Another four,” he responded.

He couldn’t stop looking into her eyes. They were a bright hazel, reflecting bits of green and gold from the sunlight streaming in through the window. She looked at him as if she could see straight into his mind, although he certainly hoped that she didn’t.

“So what brings you here?” she asked, “family holiday trip?”

“No. I’m alone too,” Ben answered. 

She looked at him funny then, as if she was trying to figure out something. He sat on the edge of his seat, hoping that she still didn’t recognize her. Being Ben was so much easier than being Kylo Ren.

“Oh,” she said softly. She finally turned her head away, looking out the window. “Well… I don’t really do anything for Christmas… but… I mean… if you wanted to ride together…this week... like whenever… that’d be cool… I guess.”

Ben felt his mouth pull into a soft smile. She was suddenly very awkward. Much like him in real life. Was she really that lonely, that she would ask a stranger to spend time with her on her vacation? All he knew was that he was lonely enough to accept.

“Yeah, that would be fun,” he answered in an encouraging tone.

She looked back at him with a smile that took his breath away. She had been sort of cold when he first spoke to her on the chairlift, but apparently it had just taken some chatting and a few trails to open her up.

“Sweet. I don’t normally hang with people when I’m on vacation, but you’re all right.”

“Now who’s sucking up?” Ben asked with a chuckle.

Rey threw her head back with a laugh, a sound Ben was soon starting to cherish after hearing it on the slopes. He saw glimpses of what looked like soft skin on her neck, and watched the way her brown hair reflected the sunlight. He ran a hand through his hair, trying to remember the last time he was attracted to a girl that was hot _and_ actually someone he wanted to be around.

“Did you want to keep going today? Or should we head back to base?” Rey asked.

“I might keep riding for a while, but I can ride with you back over to the base if you’re done for the day.”

“Thanks,” she responded, “I’m staying at the Hotel Gritenberg.”

“Me too,” Ben said with a little too much enthusiasm, “did you want to get dinner later?”

Ben couldn’t remember the last time he asked out a girl that didn’t know he was Kylo Ren. Suddenly he realized he was very likely to be rejected without the money and bad boy persona backing up her impression of him. He mentally braced himself for impact, trying to keep a steady expression. If Kylo Ren could be confident, so could he.

“Uh, sure...” Rey said with a smile. “I normally just order room service, but it would probably be good for me to go out for a change. It is Christmas Eve, after all.”

Ben liked the way she was looking at him. She was looking at him like girls looked at Kylo Ren, top American half-pipe boarder. Kylo Ren was sexy, a risk-taker, sponsored by the Red Bulls and Harley-Davidsons of the world. He never understood it much, but it was the persona his management team, First Order Sports, had crafted for him. Ben Solo was more reserved, less ostentatious. In some ways, he was darker than Kylo Ren, but dealt with emotional pain rather than anything physical. But Rey, despite not seeming to recognize him by his fame, was still looking at him with a dangerously sensual glare. Ben was getting warmer under his coat by the second. He reached up and unzipped it halfway.

He saw the slightest glimmer of a smirk on Rey’s face as he did so. She quickly averted her eyes back to the window. He wondered if she too was imagining his body under the gear just as he was imagining hers. 

They were quiet for a few minutes, alternating sly glances at each other and looking out the window. Eventually, the train’s whistle blew three times, and started slowly chugging along after another minute. Ben watched Rey’s face light up as she watched the trees and mountain go by beside them. She looked so at peace, so happy. She was truly made for the mountain, just like him. He’d become numb to the beauty of the slopes for a while, several years of non-stop, year round training will do that. Only recently had he retreated back into himself, taking more personal time away from his hectic lifestyle. He was glad he did. Otherwise, he would have never met Rey.


	4. Carrots

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey calls it a day for skiing, but she and Ben make plans for later.

Rey and Ben spent the remainder of the incline train ride up the mountain in a comfortable quiet. But under all that silence, there was a palpable, sensual heat simmering. Rey was getting warmer and warmer by the minute as they kept sneaking appraising glances at each other and catching each other staring.

She had been pleasantly surprised when she had gotten a first glimpse at his face after they had taken off some of their gear. She had thought the way he boarded was sexy, and Rey wasn’t disappointed with his looks, either. It had taken her a second to reconcile her original impression of him with what he actually looked like. Despite still being fairly young, his features held a regal maturity, and she thought they perfectly matched his deep voice. Compared to him, the guys she had slept with suddenly seemed like _boys_. She wasn’t much for relationships, but maybe that was because none of the guys she had been involved with had been _man_ enough. Not like Ben.

And the hair. She had known it was long since the ends of it had been sticking out of his helmet, but it was fuller and richer than she had imagined. Her helmet hair looked like an absolute rat’s nest compared to his. When Ben spoke, Rey couldn’t keep her eyes off of his full, pillowy lips that he had first exposed on the slopes. Even his hands, now unobscured by gloves, were attractive- large and somehow authoritative.

She had suddenly felt inadequate sitting across from him. Their subtle flirting had been fun and meaningless before, but the game changed when they saw each other’s faces. He looked like some type of ancient Greek god, and she was quite plain. However, he couldn’t have found her too repulsive, since he had almost immediately asked her out to dinner. Was it a date? The smoulder in his eyes has seemed to suggest it was. If he was lonely on Christmas, and she was lonely on Christmas, why not indulge? It wasn’t often that she was attracted to someone’s looks _and_ personality. 

She mourned the end of the train ride and the return of Ben’s gear to his face. Such handsome features should never be covered, but she was also kind of glad that no one else on the slopes would be able to appreciate them. She wanted to keep skiing with him, but her coach would kill her if she didn’t stick to her workout plan. In the start of a racing career, dedication is crucial. So, she would have to head to the hotel gym and settle for reuniting with him later.

As the train pulled to a stop, they grabbed the board and skis out of the side compartment and made their way out of the station, which sat a few trails below the top of the resort. As they clipped in, Rey made a few recommendations on the trails they should take to the bottom based on grooming conditions, and Ben made some cringe-worthy jokes about snow plows. Maybe he was hotter when he didn’t talk.

“Are you up to moguls?” she asked politely. Some boarders hated moguls, and she didn’t want to do anything where he wouldn’t have fun.

“Definitely,” Ben responded with a wide smile. She was thankful he hadn’t pulled up his face mask yet, so she could still appreciate his lips like a piece of art.

“Carrots,” Rey agreed.

“Carrots?” he asked quizzically.

“Yeah, is that not a saying? My American teammate says it all the time, I thought it might be an American thing…”

Ben laughed, “I must not be cool enough to know all the hip catchphrases, what does it mean?”

Rey was now embarrassed. Explaining it made it _much_ less cool. 

“You know… like… when people say they’re going to shred the slopes… and you shred carrots… so… carrots?” she explained inelegantly.

Ben threw his head back at that and laughed deeply. It was kind of weird to see the intense guy laugh like that. But at the same time, it made Rey laugh too.

“That’s so ridiculous…”

“Yeah, well Poe, my teammate, is pretty ridiculous. I bet he told me that it was a common phrase just to be cheeky.”

“I love it!” Ben exclaimed, and Rey couldn’t help but smile. Ben was so agreeable. At times a bit severe and a bit cheeky himself, but altogether enjoyable to be around. If anything, his occasional playful cockiness just made him more attractive.

“Let’s hit the slopes before I embarrass myself more,” she said with a sigh, pushing off to take the lead.

“Aw, come on sweetheart, I think it’s cute when you embarrass yourself,” Ben called after her. 

Rey felt herself blush at the pet name, thankfully she was hidden under her helmet and gaiter. And hopefully he thought she was more than just _cute_.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ben and Rey took their time making their way to the base. Rey led them down some moguls, and Ben led them through some woods trails. They each showed off a bit, and Ben did everything in his power to make Rey laugh, including clinging onto a children’s height rope tow that took him a grand total of approximately 50 feet up a bunny hill in the ski school area. 

Eventually, they pulled up to the hotel at the base, where Rey was calling it a day. Ben was tempted to stop too and follow her wherever she was going, but didn’t want to seem clingy. 

“So what’s your schedule for the rest of the day? When should we get dinner?” he asked as they unclipped and he walked her toward the ski-in entrance.

“Well,” Rey said, “I’m heading to the gym for a few hours. Then I usually hit up the hot tub.”

The mental image of Rey in a swimsuit flashed across Ben’s mind. He caught a toe in the snow, almost tripping. He somewhat gracefully prevented himself from falling just before Rey turned to him.

“So I should be free anytime after 7 or so… does that work?”

Ben cleared his throat before speaking, “Yes, 7, that’s fine. Maybe I should check with the restaurant to make sure they still have tables, Christmas Eve and all.”

“I can do that! I’m going in anyway. Weren’t you going to keep riding?” Rey asked sweetly as she raised her goggles off of her eyes and onto her helmet. Her eyes were captivating, and Ben was glad she couldn’t see how hungrily he was looking at her through his own gear.

“Yeah, I am. Can I get your number before I head back out? That way I can call you later to see if you’re ready,” he said, stripping off a glove to take his phone out of an inner jacket pocket. He handed it to Rey, who took off a mitten to type in her number.

“I’m in room 303, in case I don’t answer. Just come by whenever” she said.

Ben swallowed thickly. He shouldn’t be imagining Rey in a hotel room…

“Oh, and Ben?” Rey asked as she handed him his phone.

“Yes?”

“I should tell you before we go on a date- I don’t eat politely like a lady should. If that’s a turn-off, just tell me now so that we know this will just be between friends. Because I’m not going to eat less just because I’m with you… your girl’s gotta eat.”

Ben was momentarily shocked at her forwardness, but recovered quickly enough to tease her.

“So this is a date?” he asked with feigned ignorance.

It was worth the look of sheer terror that arose on Rey’s face.

“Is it not? Sorry… I just assumed…”

“Rey,” he interjected, “I’m just kidding. Of course it’s a date. I’ll see you at 7. Wear something sexy. And by the way, there’s probably nothing you could do that would be a turn-off for me.”

Ben relished the way Rey’s jaw dropped. He took the opportunity to taunt her even further. He leaned closer to her.

“Maybe I’ll even feed you.”

With that, he turned on his heel and walked back toward the mountain, determined not to look back. 

It was going to be an interesting night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok... a few notes
> 
> 1) 'carrots' is a thing from my own life. my friends and i say it all the time... but i recently realized that no one else says it and it's probably just something one of my friends made up... womp womp
> 
> 2) this won't include any feeding kinks. sorry to disappoint. i'm pretty vanilla.
> 
> thanks for all the nice comments and kudos! y'all rock


	5. Dinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Ben reunite later in the day for their Christmas Eve dinner date.

After reserving her and Ben a table at the hotel restaurant for dinner, Rey changed and headed to the gym. She was remarkably distracted during her workout. She kept losing track of reps in the weight room and falling off balance while stretching. She wasn’t normally nervous for dates. But Ben was just so _sexy_ , and she couldn’t help but be distracted by the comments he had made as he had dropped her off at the hotel. She appreciated it when guys were forward- it meant that she didn’t have to pretend to be interested in anything other than sex. But she didn’t usually end up actually falling for the pick-up lines or blushing like a little girl at the suggestive remarks. But sure enough, her panties had gotten wet when Ben told her to wear something sexy and that he wouldn’t be easily turned off by her.

It probably wasn’t the most effective workout, seeing as she was thinking about Ben instead of focusing on her form and exercise. But she got through it. She wiped off her equipment before taking her bag to the locker room to quickly shower off the sweat and then hop into the hot tub. Thankfully, no one was around as she sunk into the hotel’s blessfully scalding hot tub. Going to hotel hot tubs alone was sometimes risky. Rich university bros thought it was hilarious to hit on her, or weird middle-aged men with wedding rings would try to engage in conversation. She usually just closed her eyes after sitting down in hopes that no one would try to talk to her. 

After a long soak, Rey toweled off, threw on a robe, and made her way back to her room. In the shower, she made sure to double-check the spots she usually missed while shaving, like her ankles and behind her knees. She didn’t know if Ben was the kind of guy to sleep with random girls he met on the slopes, but _she_ certainly wasn’t above it. There had definitely been some chemistry between them, and some good sex sounded like an excellent gift for herself for the holidays.

When she exited the steamy bathroom, she eyed the clock. 6:00pm, perfect. Still plenty of time to get ready. The problem came when she stared at the clothes scattered across her suitcase and in the closet. She didn’t have anything ‘sexy’ to wear. She’d brought a plethora of ski and workout clothes, and way too many pairs of pajamas for the nights of room service she had been planning, but not a single dress. She cursed herself. When she was packing, she had considered bringing a dress in case she ended up going to a Christmas dinner or something, but had disregarded the idea. 

She heard a ping from across the room, and shuffled over to the bedside table, still naked, to check her phone.

_**Unknown number** _

_You still good for 7? -Ben_

Rey smiled and quickly typed her response.

_sorry, I think you have the wrong number_

She really shouldn’t be so cruel, but for some reason it was just so tempting to mess with him. There was something about him- he was good-natured but also a bit sensitive, so easy to tease. Besides, he had been the first to fire with that joke at her expense about whether their dinner was a date or not.

Ben’s response came a few moments later.

_**Unknown number** _

_Oh, sorry. Looks like I’m probably going to be stood up then. Sorry to bother you._

Rey suddenly felt bad, although it would be fun to tease him about it later. 

_just kidding, Ben. it’s me, Rey. of course i’m still good for 7. can’t wait. i’ll meet you downstairs at 7. don’t be late. wear something sexy_

He didn’t respond immediately, and Rey hoped she hadn’t been too mean. She paced the room a few times before her phone pinged again.

_**Unknown number** _

_Lol you dick. See you soon_

Rey couldn’t keep down an amused snort. She added him into her phone as ‘Hot Snowboard Ben’ before plugging it back into the charger. She had 45 minutes left to figure out something to wear.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ben caught several more chairs and got in some great runs that afternoon before heading back to the Hotel Gritenberg. He didn’t know what to expect from a date where the girl didn’t know what he did or who he was. Most women just wanted to talk about his sponsorships or famous people he knew, and they always laid it on thick with the flirting, hoping to become another notch on his bedpost. He’d gone out with a few nice girls that didn’t seem to be in it for the money or perks, but they never truly understood him in a way that made him want to pursue a relationship with them. So he stuck to physical relationships for the most part.

He was stepping into completely unfamiliar territory with Rey, and it was exciting.

After getting back up to his room, he shot her a text to confirm the time. For a horrifying moment, he had thought she had ghosted him, giving him a fake number. Had he totally misread their interactions? He could have sworn she was into it too. And she had quickly agreed to the date.

Thankfully, she was messing with him. He deserved it for teasing her about their date earlier, he supposed. He liked that she seemed to be a troublemaker. She certainly wasn’t boring. She served it right back to him, telling him to wear something sexy. He scoffed. He didn’t really know if the clothes he wore were sexy or not. His marketing team kept him decked out in all black, so any normal clothes he bought were also black. He supposed black was about as sexy as it was going to get for him. No doubt Rey would be sexy enough for the both of them. He hadn’t been lying- she would have to do an awful lot to turn him off at this point. He was getting a softie now just thinking about her, even though he’d never even seen her body. Her face and personality were enough. It didn’t help that he hadn’t been laid in nearly 5 months. He was going to have to continually remind himself to remain polite, he didn’t want to offend her or make her feel uncomfortable. 

She had told him her room number earlier, and he was tempted to pick her up from there, but he didn’t want to be creepy after she had told him to meet her downstairs. He gave himself a look in the mirror before leaving his room, trying to appraise his looks. For some reason, Ben didn’t look as confident and handsome as Kylo Ren. Maybe he should have told Rey about himself. But he had been so relieved when she didn’t recognize him- it was like a giant weight had been lifted off of his shoulders. For once, he could be himself and not have to worry of tarnishing his douchey competition persona and getting in trouble with his agent, Snoke. Snoke liked getting stories published about how he was a player, when the reality couldn’t be further from the truth. And he wanted to show Rey the real him. She seemed too down-to-earth and special to fake his way around her. So despite not looking as good as his public counterpart, Ben nodded to himself in the mirror, at least satisfied that she had agreed to the date with _him_ , not Kylo.

He only had to wait for a minute in the lobby before Rey appeared. If he had been quarter-hard before just thinking about her, he became fully half-hard at seeing her (admittedly clothed) body now. She wasn’t overdressed, which made Ben more comfortable. But she certainly looked sexy, although he supposed she’d probably be sexy in whatever she wore. He scanned her outfit- black pumps, tight black pants that left nothing to the imagination, a fitted black top that exposed her collarbone and provided a small glimpse of cleavage, and a leather jacket. It wasn’t exactly Christmas Eve attire, but _he_ certainly wasn’t complaining. He smirked when he realized that she was in all black- she matched him. While her ski gear was all bright colors and patterns, her ‘sexy’ look was sort of like a female version of Kylo Ren. Her hair was up in an unusual style- three buns down the back of her head. Ben hadn’t seen anyone with it before, and he found that he liked it. Some women seemed to wear their hair down just to toss it around, and he found it sexy that Rey was confident enough to wear it up.

Ben looked her up and down a few times as she spotted him and walked toward him, letting out an appreciative whistle. He saw her blush, but also noticed that she was looking him over too. He stood a little taller. He noticed that he was still quite a bit taller than her even though she was in heels. She was short for a ski racer.

“Looking good, Ben. All black- not a surprise based on your gear,” she said as she finally stopped in front of him, giving him a playful grin.

“The opposite could be said for you- the polka dotted ski poles didn’t exactly scream leather jacket-wearing bad-ass seductress.”

She blushed again, and Ben relished the fact that he could make her do it so easily.

“Does it look weird? I don’t have a dress with me so I just had to go with whatever wasn’t sweatpants or spandex,” she said, looking down at herself with a frown.

“You look amazing,” he said honestly, leaning a bit closer to her. “I’ve always thought Christmas could use a bit more rock and roll,” he added, trying to cheer her up.

“Well, it’s the best they’re going to get. Dinner?” Rey asked, gesturing toward the entrance of the hotel restaurant.

Ben offered her his arm. He saw her head cock to the side a bit and she examined his arm for a moment before slowly reaching for it and accepting to it. He knew he was a bit old-fashioned, but it was almost as if no one had ever offered her an arm before. He led them to the hostess.

“Hi, I reserved a table for Rey at 7,” Rey said to the woman. 

“Welcome,” the hostess smiled at Rey, then turning her attention to Ben. The hostess seemed to search his face for a moment, and Ben panicked. He held his breath, hoping she wouldn’t recognize him and out him in front of Rey. Thankfully, she either didn’t recognize him or decided to play it cool, because she turned back to Rey.

“Right this way,” she said as she led them to their table. Ben asked for two glasses of champagne right away. 

Ben held out Rey’s chair for her, which resulted in a snort from her.

“Are you always this old-fashioned, or is this some weird holiday cheer thing?” she asked as she sat, letting him scoot the chair in for her.

Ben laughed. She was funny.

“I guess I’ve always been old-fashioned,” he answered as he took his own seat. “Does it bother you?”

“A little bit,” Rey answered, “but I still appreciate it. It’s nice. I’ve just always done everything for myself is all.”

“Sounds like I’ll have to let you feed yourself after all,” he quipped with a smirk.

Rey scrunched her nose and stuck out her tongue at him. He liked that she was uninhibited. Some women tried to act too posh for every place they were in, whereas Rey didn’t seem to care one bit about fitting in.

He looked around them at the other patrons who were in the resort restaurant for Christmas Eve. There were quite a few families, some with children in matching Christmas dresses and suits. There were also several couples, many of whom were leaned in close to each other, enjoying a romantic holiday meal. Ben suddenly realized that Christmas Eve was probably one of the weirdest days out of the year to go on a first date, right after Valentine’s Day. He looked back at Rey. Thankfully, she didn’t seem to be bothered by the dynamic and was scanning the menu.

“Well, I’m starving. Want to start with some mussels? They’re really good here,” she said in a cheerful tone.

“Aphrodisiacs already? Wow, Rey. Why don’t we just skip dinner altogether,” he responded coyly. He already knew Rey wasn’t easily embarrassed and loved playful banter.

“You don’t want me when I’m hungry, Ben. Things could go very, _very_ badly and I assume you’re not looking for your date to Hulk out.”

He laughed right as he was taking a sip of his water, and nearly sprayed the whole table and Rey. She looked satisfied as he choked on his water, simultaneously laughing and coughing. A few tables around him were staring at the loud commotion, but he found that he didn’t care.

“You’re right about that,” he wheezed when he had enough air in his lungs to speak again. “Let’s get mussels, then. And whatever else you want. My treat.”

“No Ben, I can’t let you do that. I eat a lot. Let’s just split it.”

“The bill isn’t an issue, Rey. I insist.”

He watched her squint her eyes at him for a moment before relenting. “All right,” she said, “but only because your designer cufflinks suggest that you can afford it. Do you mind if I ask what you do?”

Ben gulped nervously. He didn’t want to lie. But he couldn’t exactly say he was American half-pipe champion Kylo Ren. So he tried to remain vague and at least half-truthful.

“I work in the snowboarding industry. Events and stuff like that.”

Rey’s eyebrows raised appreciatively. “Cool. You told me you worked in the industry but I guess you must be a big deal or something.”

“I guess,” he conceded. “But sometimes I wish I didn’t do events.”

“What do you mean?”

Ben hadn’t really told anyone before, but since Rey didn’t know who he was he could be honest with her at least about this.

“I like doing events, but recently all of the politics and business have totally stripped any of the fun out of it. And I have other interests. I’ve always loved the technology side of it- boards and gear. I’ve been dreaming about starting up my own company for a few years now.”

“Why don’t you?”

“My bosses,” he answered honestly, “I don’t think they would take too well to me quitting.”

Rey was silent for a moment, seeming to digest what he was telling her. 

“You should do whatever you want to do, Ben. Life is too short, and you’ve gotta chase what you want” she said, leaning a foward a bit onto her arms on the table. It made her cleavage press together a bit, and Ben couldn’t help it when his eyes snuck a glance.

“Chase what I want, huh?” he asked, leaning toward her in return.

She smiled at him before smacking his arm lightly.

“Can’t you be serious for one minute? You must be really wound up. Or seedy. Or both.”

“Probably both,” he said, returning her smile.

The waiter arrived then with two glasses of champagne, and Rey placed an order for mussels, a salad, the steak entree, and several of the listed side dishes. It appeared she had been quite serious about eating a lot. Ben ordered the butternut squash soup and the lobster thermidor.

Rey held her glass up as the waiter left.

“Merry Christmas, Ben,” she said lowly. Ben had never heard a holiday greeting sound so sexy before.

“Merry Christmas, Rey,” he said, gently tapping his glass to hers.


	6. Dessert

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Ben indulge in... let's call it dessert.

The food had come and gone, but Rey was still hungry. Not for more to eat, but for _Ben_. There was something irresistible about his deep voice, the way he rubbed his forefinger along his thumb when he was listening to her, the smoulder in his eyes. They were able to keep their conversation civil for the most part, though she basked in his flirtatious remarks. As surprisingly well the date was going, a large part of her was growing very impatient- she was nearly shaking from the anticipation of sleeping with him. 

Rey supposed they would bring them the dessert menu soon now that their plates were cleared, but she only wanted one thing for dessert, and they didn’t serve it in the restaurant. When the waiter approached and began reading off the menu items, Rey slipped a heel off of her foot and let it find Ben’s leg. She immediately felt him tense and saw his eyes widen and dart towards her. She slowly crept her foot up his calf and onto the inside of his thigh as the waiter listed their specialty Christmas dessert cocktails. Ben’s shocked expression turned into one of mischief as he grabbed her ankle under the table to keep her from brushing his cock with her foot. He gently rubbed circles on her ankle with his thumb, and didn’t let go when she started to pull it away.

“Can we have the devil’s food cake, the salted caramel chocolate-coated strawberries, and another bottle of champagne delivered up to room 810?” Ben asked the waiter evenly without taking his eyes off of Rey.

“Certainly, sir,” the waiter responded professionally, unaware of what was going on under the tablecloth.

“Thank you.”

Ben released Rey’s ankle with a cautionary look. She was only just able to quickly slip it back into her shoe before Ben stood, grabbed her hand, and practically dragged her from the table. She had to run to keep up with his long strides that led them to the elevator. The moment they entered it, Ben hit the button for the 8th floor and jammed the door close button repeatedly until the doors sealed together. He whirled around toward Rey and gently pushed her into the wall of the elevator. He looked at her for a moment, and Rey could tell that he was searching her face for permission to kiss her. She answered by grabbing him by his shirt and pulling him against her. He leaned down and covered her mouth with his, starting with a gentle kiss but quickly escalating, his tongue making its way into her mouth and caressing her own. His hands were everywhere- on the wall behind her, on her waist, curled into her quickly dissolving hairstyle, gliding down her backside. The same raw power he exuded while snowboarding was being used to manhandle her in the elevator, and Rey didn’t mind one bit. 

He was a _good_ kisser, pushing and pulling in just the right rhythm. Although he was forceful, his lips were soft and full enough that it was still pleasurable. Before she knew it, the elevator dinged at their arrival at the 8th floor. She had to squeeze Ben’s shoulders and turn him toward the doors for him to notice that they were open. He grabbed her hand again and led her out of the elevator and quickly toward his room. He cursed as he searched for his key card, and finally found it in the fourth pocket he tried. When he opened the door, Rey’s eyebrows raised in appreciation. He had one of the more luxurious suites in the hotel. A normal room at the resort was quite pricey, so he must be quite well-off. There was only a second for Rey to process this piece of information before Ben had her back up against the closed door and began kissing his way down from her mouth to her jaw to her exposed collarbone. 

“Rey,” he moaned quietly against her neck.

“Mm?” she responded incoherently, unable to form real sentences at the feeling of his tongue against her throat.

“Is this,” he asked between kisses, “ok?”

“No,” Rey answered.

Ben immediately froze and withdrew from her neck. He carefully pulled his hands off of where they had been grabbing her ass and held them in the air as if being arrested.

“No? Oh… I thought…”

“I meant no, it’s not ok because you’re wearing too many clothes,” Rey whined, grabbing his shirt once again to give it a sharp tug.

Ben’s terrified expression melted, and he laughed at her, making the corners of his eyes fold in a beautiful way.

“Thank god,” he whispered before kissing her again. She couldn't get enough of the taste and feeling of his mouth. He crowded her back into the door, taking his time in devouring her. He was far more patient than she was.

She pushed against him to make him give her enough space to peel off her leather jacket. She then moved to grab at his shirt to unbutton it when a knock came at the door.

“Fuck, dessert,” Ben whispered.

“Ignore it,” Rey said, desperate to keep trying to get his shirt off.

Ben laughed at her again, and had to pry her hands away from his shirt collar in order to answer the door. He quickly dragged the cart with their dessert inside and handed the staff member a bill out of his pocket before quickly closing the door again.

“Later?” he asked as Rey attacked him again.

“Later,” she responded, finally allowing him to unbutton his own shirt since she was too impatient to deal with the small buttons herself. He probably could have done it even quicker than he did, but she was keen on distracting him with her mouth. 

It was easy to be bold when it was someone you didn’t really know, someone that you didn’t have to see again if things went badly or if it was awkward. It was why Rey pretty much only slept with acquaintances or strangers, never friends, or anyone that she might feel a romantic attachment toward. Actually, she wasn’t sure she’d ever felt a romantic attachment. Attachment sucked, and she preferred to have sex uninhibited by things like feelings or anxiety. She knew her appeal and strengths did not lie in her ability to make connections with people. Ben was certainly a suitable hook up, and she wouldn’t have to see him again when the week was over.

Her fingers finally felt skin under them when Ben fully removed his shirt. Rey pulled her mouth away so that she could get a better look. She was surprised. He had looked fairly fit through his clothes, but she really hadn’t expected a six pack. She had slept with guys of all body types- a bit of dadbod didn’t bother her as long as the chemistry was hot. She didn’t expect all guys to dedicate as much time to fitness as she did- it was her job. But Ben looked even more ripped than her, and Rey couldn’t help but run her fingers in between each abdominal. Her mind was immediately registering how his core strength would translate into fucking her _hard_ into his mattress.

When she looked back up at his face, she noticed that he looked a bit uncomfortable. Was it from her touching his abs? She had assumed someone that ripped would be confident in their body. She reluctantly moved her hands back up to his shoulders to loop behind his neck. She grabbed small handfuls of hair to pull his lips back down to hers. 

“Fuck,” she heard Ben whisper as his hands finally cupped her breasts through her shirt. She groaned at the contact, suddenly impatient to get her own clothes off so that she could feel his large hands directly on her skin.

“You’re so sexy,” he added as he continued to massage and squeeze her chest. “Wanted to fuck you right there in the restaurant- didn’t care who watched.”

Rey gasped at the confession and the weight of his palm on her breast. She was also relieved to hear that she hadn’t been the only one fantasizing about him taking her right there at the dinner table.

“You’re so dirty. You couldn’t even wait until after dinner, could you? Had to sneak your foot up my leg…”

“Couldn’t wait…” she agreed. Her foot would have kept going if he hadn’t stopped her. 

Without any warning, Ben reached down to her ass to lift her up by the back of her thighs and throw her onto the bed. Although he had been mostly polite and reserved throughout the day, Rey was delighted that those manners didn’t seem to extend into the bedroom. He let himself fall on top of her, and Rey whimpered under the satisfying weight of him on her body. He kept kissing her, and she clawed at his back and chest, trying to get his attention and make him remove her clothes. She eventually had to bite down hard on his lower lip. He hissed as he pulled away, a hand reaching up to feel for any blood. It allowed her to inelegantly scoot herself up the bed so that she could sit up and rip her shirt off. Ben’s hand dropped, seeming to forget all about his lip. Rey saw his eyes darken as he swallowed thickly. He was looking directly at her chest. Rey couldn’t help but feel a bit smug. It was definitely a confidence-booster to see him look at her like that. Her tits weren’t very big, but he seemed to like them anyway. She subtly rolled her shoulders, attempting to encourage him to take care of her bra. Instead, he dove forward to catch her left breast in his mouth and immediately sucked _hard_. Rey was very grateful that she was wearing a thin lace soft cup that allowed her to feel his hot tongue through the fabric. She’d chosen the see-through number on purpose, of course. She had hoped that wearing her sexiest underwear would be a self-fulfilling prophecy. 

Ben continued to stimulate one breast with his mouth and the other with his hand, occasionally squeezing them together to nuzzle between them. By this point, the straps of her bra had fallen down her shoulders and the cups were in complete disarray, and she wanted it off. 

“Ben,” she said, her voice breathier than normal, “just take it off.”

He willingly obliged, fumbling behind her for a moment to unhook it before grabbing it by a strap and peeling it off of her. He took advantage of the now completely bare nipples to blow across the right one, making it immediately pebble. Most guys liked to play with boobs, but Rey had never hooked up with someone who paid as much attention to them as Ben. Seemed like he was a boob man. She was content to let him enjoy them for a while. She braced her arms behind her to push her chest forward. She enjoyed the way his long hair tickled her chest as he continued to suck and fondle her breasts. 

After a while, she grew impatient and increasingly aroused, and couldn’t rub her thighs together with him in between them. She grabbed a handful of Ben’s hair to pull him away from her chest. She nearly laughed at the sad expression on his face as she made him abandon his task. 

“Let’s do this,” she said simply. She wasn’t good at dirty talk. 

Ben leaned back to stand up off of the bed. He kept his eyes on her as he took his shoes and socks off, then his pants. Still in his boxer briefs, he bent down to take Rey’s shoes off, throwing them behind him. He let his hands roam up her skinny jeans before reaching the closure, slowly unbuttoning and unzipping them. Rey let out a whiny noise of impatience. She wasn’t normally so needy, but Ben was doing strange things to her insides. He chuckled as he relented his slow pace and peeled her pants off, her panties with them. Rey felt relief at the sharp contrast between her hot pussy and the cool air.

Ben leaned over her again, kissing her lips gently before mouthing his way down her neck, between her breasts, and down her stomach. His soft pecks were frustratingly light. Rey slowly realized as he continued down her body where his intended final destination would be. She didn’t feel comfortable letting random hook-ups go down on her. For some reason, it felt more personal than anything else they could do. She supposed she didn’t like being completely exposed and on display like that with someone she barely knew- it made her feel vulnerable.

“Wait,” she said, placing a hand on his cheek as his hands grasped her waist and he kissed her hipbone.

He looked up at her innocently, lips still hovering over her hipbone.

“Maybe later,” she said, feeling a deep blush come over her, which was impressive given that she wasn’t easily embarrassed, “I just want you…” she left off, cursing herself for her lack of skill in dirty talk.

“You just want me what?” Ben said, with that devilishly handsome, unbelievably frustrating smirk again.

“I want your cock,” Rey said after a sigh, unable to think of any other way to say it.

Ben laughed, throwing his head back.

“Why did you say it like that?”

“Like what?”

“With a sigh!” he exclaimed, still devastatingly handsome as he grinned above her. “You made it sound like a chore, like you couldn’t imagine anything more boring!”

“Bugger off, I’m no good at talking sexy or whatever.”

“I love your cute British phrases,” he said, making his way back up her body and nuzzling his face between her breasts, “those are plenty sexy coming from you.”

“Is that why you’re sleeping with me? Because I’m British?” she joked.

“If you want,” he chuckled against her, “it’s among many reasons.”

“You’re lucky you're cute” she tried to say with a reprimanding tone, but it came out more loving that anything.

“So you want my cock, huh?” he said, his mouth now millimeters from her ear as he drew his head up from her chest to the side of her head.

“Mmhm,” she answered. She should probably just leave the dirty talk to him.

“How do you want it?” he asked as he pressed his fully body weight onto her. Her hips bucked up against his instinctively, but sadly he was still wearing his boxer briefs. “Gentle, or hard?”

“Both,” she whispered back frantically.

“Greedy,” he muttered against her neck as his hand ran down her side. 

He sounded too smug, and _she_ was used to being the one in control. She grabbed his ass roughly, and mustered up a fierce tone of voice.

“ _I can take whatever I want._ ”

Ben moaned at that, and Rey had never heard something more arousing. Suddenly, he ripped himself off of her, leaving her feeling cold and bare. She watched as he ran across the room and starting rifling through his suitcase.

“What are you doing?” Rey asked, left completely flustered at the sudden absence of him over her.

“Looking for a condom!”

“Hurry up,” she whined. Why was she such a needy mess around him?

“I’m trying!” he said forcefully, throwing things out of his suitcase left and right, “I didn’t think I’d need one while I was here!”

Rey prayed to every ski god that he found one. She was on birth control, but she never let new hook-ups fuck her without a condom. It was just common sense. And she hadn’t had the foresight to pack any, she didn’t think she’d be meeting anyone on her vacation.

Thankfully, a few seconds later, Ben held a little foil package up in the air. 

“Yes!” he shouted. He strode quickly over back to the bed and stopped in front of it to take his briefs off. He looked Rey in the eye as he slowly stepped out of them. She could see that he was trying to look confident, but the look in his eyes totally gave away his apprehension and nervousness. What was he nervous about? He had an awesome body, and his dick was fairly large, definitely in the top three Rey had ever seen. 

She tried to reassure him by shooting him a smile. She sat up on the bed and took the foil from his hand. She ripped the package open and took her time rolling the condom onto his already half-hard member. His breath hitched when she made first contact, and she heard him try to hold back a sigh when she reached the base of his cock. After a few strokes of her hand, he quickly became completely erect. Only then did she look up at his face again, and the pure lust in his eyes made her stomach bottom out. 

She quickly scooted back onto the bed and laid down, grabbing him by the hand to drag him down with her. 

“Are you ready for me, Rey?” he asked lowly, holding himself up over her face.

She reached up to brush his hair out of his eyes. She wanted to see his face when he entered her.

“Been ready all night, Ben,” she answered.

Using a hand to help line himself up, Rey whimpered as she felt Ben push slowly into her. She’d been wet since dinner, so taking him in wasn’t a problem. She felt a low growl come from Ben’s chest as he sunk into her.

“ _Fuck_ , Rey,” he said as he slowly withdrew to push in again. “So tight.”

Guys had occasionally said that to her, but when Ben said it, she believed it. He made her feel tight, like he was going to explode within her from the pressure. She wanted to say something about how right it felt, but didn’t want him to laugh at her again for a poor attempt at sounding sexy. Not while he was actually inside her. She settled for wrapping her hands around his neck and pulling lightly at his hair as he began to quicken his pace, pumping in and out of her. She had been right, his core strength was _definitely_ an advantage. His rhythm was smooth and controlled, and he pulled out more slowly than what she was used to, which was causing sensations she’d never experienced. His thrusts, on the other hand, were hard. No guy had ever hit her cervix before. He heard him mutter an apology and felt him reposition himself slightly to avoid hitting it again. Despite the slight discomfort she felt when he hit it, just the thought of how deep he was inside of her made her involuntarily clench around him tighter.

Ben let out a loud grunt at the feeling. He moved a hand between them, and caressed her folds until he found her clitoris. The feeling of his fingers on it made Rey’s back arch and a yelp escape from her mouth. Ben leaned back down to bite her ear.

“I’m going to make you cum so hard that you won’t remember your own name. Won’t be able to stand tomorrow,” he said, emphasizing his point with a particularly hard thrust.

“You better not,” she panted, ‘I’ll kill you if you make me miss a ski day.”

“Take the day off. Stay in bed with me. It’s Christmas.”

“You’re a bad influence, Ben,” she gasped. It was hard to argue with his logic as he was pounding her into the mattress. Why didn’t she spend every Christmas Eve like this?

“The worst,” he cheekily agreed, slowing his rubs on her clit to tease her.

She dug her fingernails into his back as punishment, making his rhythm falter for a moment. She felt her nails dig half-crescents into his skin. 

“So feisty. Maybe you should mark me up,” he said. She turned her head toward his and obeyed his order, sucking what she hoped would be a large hickey onto his neck. She didn’t normally like following orders, but she liked biting more. She pulled away, satisfied with the red blotch that she hoped would bruise. She placed another one just above it, trying to ensure that it would be seen. 

She heard Ben groan when her mouth popped off of his neck, and he returned to rubbing her clit furiously and picked his rhythm of his pumping back up.

Between the stimulation on her clit and how deeply Ben was penetrating her, it didn’t take long for Rey to feel her release coming. Each thrust was sending a shock wave up her spine, and her vision was starting to blur, making it impossible to focus on anything other than the feeling of him inside of her.

“Fuck, Ben,” she said, now breathing even harder, “I’m close.”

“Yeah?” he grunted out, “you going to cum for me?”

Rey couldn’t do anything but moan his name in response and he quickened his pace even more. His deep voice and the total control he had taken was making her body completely yield to him. She felt like her body was on fire, but instead of pain, it was rocked with pleasure. She wasn’t even sure if she was still moaning, she couldn’t process the sound of her own voice. She could barely register what Ben was saying above her.

“Rey, I want to feel you around my cock,” she heard him plea in a desperate tone.

It was enough to push Rey over the edge she’d been wavering on. It felt like free-falling as her orgasm shook her, her core clamping down on Ben. She heard herself wail, but almost as if somewhere below her, as if she was watching them from above. She recognized her name on Ben’s mouth, and he chanted it over and over as he gave his final thrusts, finally letting himself cum. He was already done by the time she came down from her release. 

It wasn’t often that Rey experienced simulataneous organsms with someone, and she was amazed how satisfied it made her. Her mind was still catching up to real time, but she somehow identified an excitement to do it all again, despite having just finished. Her body must have needed that, she thought, recalling the dry spell she had recently been in. It was like the sex gods had gifted Ben to her for Christmas. He was still lying on top of her, catching his breath. Rey let out a laugh, completely high from their coupling. Ben laughed with her, and she hoped he was feeling as light and as good as she was at the moment. He gently pulled out of her, and the hollowness he left detracted from Rey’s elated state. She closed her legs tightly, trying to recreate the feeling of him inside of her. She mewled at the emptiness and the tiny bit of soreness she felt.

After managing to stumble over to the trash can across the room and dispose of the condom, Ben tumbled back onto the bed.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Wow,” was all Ben could say afterwards. He and Rey were sprawled out on his bed, still trying to catch their breath. He was honestly surprised he lasted as long as he did, considering it had been about five months. When she didn’t let him eat her out, he was nervous that she wouldn’t come before he did.

“That was awesome,” he heard Rey rasp out.

“Yeah,” he agreed.

He felt the bed shift on her side as she rolled over onto her side to face him. She held up her hand, and Ben was confused for a moment before realizing that she was offering him a high five. He snorted as he slapped it. Never once had a woman high-fived him after sex. He liked Rey. It made him wonder if anyone else liked Rey. Did she have a boyfriend? 

“Normally a snort would be a mood killer,” Rey said, looking at him with a wicked smile, “but I’m too fucked to care.”

“Should I feel dirty for hooking up on Christmas Eve?”

“Yes, very dirty,” she responded, crawling over him and swinging a leg over to straddle his hips, “you’ve been very naughty.” Her hair was a mess, her three buns now most of the way out of their ties. Ben felt an overwhelming sense of pride of fucking her hard enough to ruin her hairstyle.

“I thought you wanted to be able to walk tomorrow?” he teased, grabbing her hips in his hands and squeezing.

“I do,” she said with a frown, “you’re right.” She rolled off of him, and Ben immediately regretted teasing her.

“No, no, I was just kidding,” he protested, rolling toward her to try to pull her back on top of him. “Just give me a minute, I’m not as young as I used to be.”

“How old are you?” Rey asked, letting him pull her up over him again with a satisfied smile.

“29,” he answered. Thankfully, he hadn’t hit 30 yet, which is when he knew the snowboarding world would start trying to predict his retirement.

“You?”

“Asking a lady her age, Ben?” Rey said with a coy smile, “I thought you were old-fashioned.”

“You don’t have to tell me,” he responded, stroking his hands along her thighs. “Just thought you’d tell me if I told you.”

He saw her give that cute little frown of hers before she relented.

“I’m 20.”

She was young. She looked fairly young, but Ben hadn’t had a number in mind. She wouldn’t even be able to drink in the US. It made sense that she was young, being new in the ski world. Or at least new enough for him not to know of her. 

When he was her age, he’d mostly been with older women, usually women his agent Snoke had negotiated with and sent to flirt with him enough to get him in the headlines of some gossip blogs. Being young and naive, he hadn’t known it was Snoke’s doing. When he realized what had been happening, he confronted him, which didn’t go the way he wanted. Snoke had essentially threatened to drop Ben from the agency and strip him of all of his sponsorship contracts if he didn’t let him craft his public image the way he wanted. This was before his first Olympic medal, so he hadn’t had the financial security to man up and cut ties. So he compromised with Snoke- he held up an image of being a confident, partying player without actually putting anyone’s feelings on the line, especially his own. He went on more dates than he was comfortable with, but only with girls he was actually interested in, and did his best not to lead anyone on. Since then, things with Snoke had gone fairly smoothly. He didn’t like everything his agent insisted he do, but he couldn’t argue with the money and sponsorships he’d been able to acquire under his guidance.

Ben couldn’t believe his mind had flashed to his agent when Rey was sitting naked on top of him. He shuddered and tried to expunge him from his brain. For once, a woman had enjoyed sex with Ben Solo, not Kylo Ren. Rey looked at him with curiosity as she noticed his troubled expression.

“Something wrong?”

“No!” he answered quickly, “No. Just wondering how many times I would need to make you cum before you agree to stay in bed with me tomorrow.”

She scrunched her nose and hit him on the chest, but let her hand rest there as she chided him.

“You’re filthy.”

“Not any more filthy than you.”

“You’re right there,” Rey responded, flashing him a bright smile. He practically melted at those. “But I’m tired, I had two workouts today.”

He chuckled, always amused by her quick wit.

“Try to convince me again in the morning,” she said, rolling back off of him. He gulped at the thought of waking up next to her and immediately plunging into her heat. He had a bad habit of sleeping in, but Rey would be a _very_ convincing alarm clock.

He let her go, and she hopped off the bed to grab the bowl of chocolate-covered strawberries off of the room service cart before returning to the bed and sitting in front of him.

“I’d forgotten about dessert,” Ben admitted, watching Rey’s mouth closely as she bit into one.

“Honestly I’m surprised it didn’t cockblock you earlier,” Rey said, swallowing her bite and licking the strawberry juices off of her lips, “it’s very rare that a guy could tempt me over food.”

“Wow, am I blushing?” he quipped, grabbing a strawberry out of the bowl, holding it to Rey’s lips before she could grab another one. She looked at him with wide eyes as she bit into it, making sure to brush his fingers with her lips. He ate the rest of it, enjoying the bits of chocolate that were now in the corners of her mouth and the way her lips were starting to redden with the berry juice.

“Just take the compliment,” she responded with a smile. He wondered if she would let him feed her the rest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so as many of y'all know, this is the second fictional anything i've ever written in my life, also making it the second smut i've ever written. i'm super vanilla in person, so my smut is super vanilla. sorry about that! hope you enjoy it anyway =]
> 
> some of y'all have mentioned how short the chapters are. I can't promise there won't be short ones in the future, but this one is at least a little bit longer. mostly because there was no good place to split it up.
> 
> thanks for all the support so far!


	7. Powder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some fresh snow drags Rey and Ben out of bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some terminology for you:  
> "powder"- fresh snow, usually a thick, fluffy layer  
> "first chair"- getting on the chair lift right the when it opens in the morning, quite literally the first chair of the day  
> "liftie"- a chair lift attendant  
> "terrain park"- where all of the jumps, tables, pipes, obstacles, etc are that you can do tricks on. Ben would be very familiar with these because he competes in half-pipe snowboarding (lots of tricks, jumps)  
> "igloo bar"- a real thing, a lot of resorts in the Alps have them on the mountain

“Ben! Wake up! Wake up!”

Ben groaned, reaching toward the source of the noise. It was too early. His flailing hand made contact with an arm, and he grabbed it and pulled it toward him.

Rey yelped as Ben encircled his arms around her and pulled her under him.

“Ben! Get off! Fresh powder! We’ve got to go!”

Ben mouthed at her neck in response, and Rey giggled at the feeling of his stubble against her soft skin.

“I’m serious, Ben. We’re going to miss first chair!” she said, smacking him in the arm.

“Ten more minutes…” he grumbled, gently rolling his body against hers, almost of its own accord. He couldn’t decide if he was more tired or aroused. It had been a while since he woke up with a warm body next to him.

He heard Rey’s breath hitch as his hips knocked against hers. She seemed to relax for a moment, but then suddenly pinched his stomach and rolled him off of her. 

“I’m serious, Ben. Look!”

He cracked one eye open to look at whatever she was going on about, and spotted her at the window, opening the curtains the rest of the way to expose the mountain, lowly lit by the rising sun, covered in fresh snow.

“I checked the trail report already, nearly half a meter of fresh powder overnight!”

His eyes moved away from the mountain and onto Rey. She was wearing his black button down, which reached so far down her legs that he couldn’t tell if she was wearing panties. The sight made his cock twitch. He pulled the sheets over his waist, he didn’t want to come off too ‘seedy’ in Rey’s words. 

“I thought you were going to give me a chance to convince you to stay in bed today,” he said with a smile, certain that she was never going to do so. He saw it in her eyes yesterday on the slopes that she loved skiing too much to ever miss a day on purpose.

“That was before we got fresh snow,” she replied, turning back toward him and walking to the bed. “You’ll have to settle for a blowjob later. First chair is in 25 minutes. I’m never late for first chair.”

How she remained so enthusiastic to hit the mountain at the crack of dawn after what must have been years of training was beyond Ben. He’d lost his spark only a few months after signing with First Order Sports. He couldn’t remember the last time he caught first chair.

“Are you coming?” Rey asked, now pulling her pants on under his shirt.

If it were anyone else, he would have told them he’d meet them later and stay in bed for another hour or two. But the hopeful look on Rey’s face pulled at something inside of him. There was a light there that he really didn’t care to extinguish.

“Yeah, I am,” he answered, sitting up and pulling his legs around to get out of bed.

He saw Rey’s eyes wander to below his waist, but she quickly looked away, as if determined to not be distracted.

“Good. I’ll meet you downstairs in 20. Don’t be late or I’m leaving without you,” she said, scurrying out of the room in his shirt and her pants, carrying the rest of her clothes and her shoes in her hands. 

The door was almost closed before her hand reached back in and pushed it open enough to poke her head back into the room.

“Merry Christmas, by the way,” she said before quickly ducking back out and letting the door shut behind her.

Ben smiled to himself as he slowly stood up and stretched. He felt _alive_ , he’d forgotten what sex could do for his mood. He checked his phone on the nightstand, which was thankfully free of any messages yet. He’d probably receive a few messages wishing him a happy holiday, almost all of which he wouldn’t respond to. He’d have to wait until the evening to call his mother, it was still the middle of the night in the US. Although he still wasn’t on the best terms with his parents since their falling out when he signed with First Order Sports, they’d been slowly rebuilding their relationship lately. Not enough to spend Christmas together, but Ben knew his mother would at least expect a call. He’d even sent them season passes for Lake Tahoe in California, which wasn’t too far from where they lived. He’d gotten the passes for free from his agent, but he knew his parents would appreciate them anyway. 

He quickly hopped in the shower to rinse off, and took a look at himself in the mirror as he towelled off. He didn’t wash his hair because he didn’t have time to dry it, and it was a _mess_. He smiled at the memories of last night that left it in such a state. He briefly tried to comb his fingers through it before giving up, resigning himself to the fact that he’d soon be getting helmet hair anyway. He pulled on a set of his usual black gear, and stuck his phone in an inner jacket pocket. Hopefully his agent wouldn’t bother him while he was trying to enjoy the day with Rey. He’d never hung out with a one night stand the day after. But Rey also kind of seemed like a friend, so maybe it wasn’t so weird. And how many one night stands had spent a day on the slopes with him? No, this was different somehow. And she was probably the most down-to-earth person he’d ever been with. She really didn’t seem to care what anyone thought, she was just… herself. He liked that about her, it challenged him a bit because she was unpredictable. He couldn’t use the skills he had gathered from being interviewed for years to anticipate what she might do next.

He grabbed his facemask, helmet, and gloves and headed out the door. His body was still waking up, not used to the early hour, and he knew Rey probably wasn’t going to start them out easy. It wasn’t her style.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rey felt brilliant. She always felt somehow powerful the morning after getting laid, but there was something about the promise of fresh snow and Ben’s company that had her excited. She wasn’t sure if she’d actually be able to drag him out of bed for first chair. She had wondered if he had genuinely enjoyed being on the slopes with her or if he had just been putting up with her to sleep with her. He wouldn’t blame him. She certainly had pretended to enjoy spending time with someone just for sex, then bounced the next morning. But he’d agreed for some reason, and Rey couldn’t help but hope that they would be friends, at least for the week they were there. She couldn’t deny that she was a bit friendship-starved. She’d grown up with essentially no friends, and she never knew quite was she was missing until she formed close relationships with the other skiers on her team. Now it was a feeling she craved now, although she was slow to act on it. But Ben seemed genuinely nice, and she really enjoyed skiing with him yesterday, and that was a true test of character in Rey’s book.

He stepped out of the elevator and into the lobby just a minute after she arrived, and he couldn’t have missed the smile she gave him for actually coming. She knew hitting first chair wasn’t everyone’s priority, but she knew it would be worth it. Two of the best mornings on the slopes were Christmas Day and New Year’s Day. Most people were either with their families exchanging gifts or sleeping in, respectively. The mountain would be clear for several hours.

“You made it,” she greeted him cheerfully.

“Did you think I wouldn’t?” he asked with a chuckle. Rey liked the way his dark eyes glowed when he smiled.

“Wasn’t sure. You didn’t seem too keen on getting out of bed.”

“You seemed so excited, it would have been rude to deny you,” Ben responded.

“That’s right, it would have,” she said, beaming at him. “Let’s go!”

Rey was nearly out of breath by the time they reached the chair. It was only a slight incline from the hotel, but she was carrying her skis and talking Ben’s ear off. She was a morning person, she couldn’t help it. She was her most social in the morning. But Ben seemed fine with just listening to her babble on about the trail conditions and where she wanted to ski first. 

“Hello, Rey!” a voice shouted as they approached the chair, which was up and running as usual to let the lifties and ski patrol access the mountain before the lifts officially opened. She smiled when she saw the friendly strawberry blond waiting at his usual post. “First again! But this time you’re not alone!”

“Hey Snap!” she greeted the liftie. “I have a friend with me this morning. This is Ben.”

“Good morning, Monsieur,” Snap greeted Ben. “Merry Christmas to you both.”

“Thanks, you too!” Rey said as she clipped into her skis and Ben clipped one boot onto his board. “Think you can let us on a little early? As a Christmas present to me?”

“For you, my dear? Anything! What about your friend, can he keep up with you?”

Rey laughed and looked over at Ben, who was looking confused by the whole exchange.

“He’s alright,” she said, shooting a wink to Ben when he turned to look at her in surprise.

“Have fun today,” Snap said as he gestured for them to get on the lift. “But not too much fun!”

“Never!” Rey quipped in return as she and Ben pushed forward and took a seat. “I’ll bring you some hot cocoa later!” she yelled behind her as their chair pulled away.

“You are too kind, Mademoiselle.” 

Rey turned back around, finding Ben looking at her quizzically.

“Are you friends with all the lifties?” he asked as their chair continued to putt it’s way up the hill.

“A few of them. I see Snap every morning for first chair, and he remembers me from previous trips I’ve made here. He’s nice,” she responded.

Ben looked at her for another moment, as if trying to figure something out.

“Well, let’s hope I can keep up with you,” he said as he pulled his goggles down over his eyes.

Rey laughed. “I’m sure you will. Is there anywhere in particular you wanted to start this morning? I was figuring we could ski the front face first since it gets the most wrecked once people start coming, but I’m down for whatever.”

“That’s fine with me. I’m just kind of glad to be riding with someone.”

Rey smiled under her gaiter. She really couldn’t remember getting along with someone this well this quickly. It was a wonder that they’d just randomly run into each other… it seemed more like fate or some higher power.

She and Ben carved first tracks into nearly the entire front face of the main peak. Eventually, a few other of the early morning folks that she recognized from their gear started to join them in taking advantage of the fresh snow. Most of them were skiers, but there were also a few boarders among them, heading over to the half-pipe and terrain park. 

“Did you want to go to the terrain park today?” she asked Ben on their third chair. “I’m sorry I didn’t ask before… I totally forgot about it since I don’t normally go there myself…”

“No,” he responded quickly in a deep tone, “I mean, no. That’s alright. I’m not really into it myself.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes,” he said in the same serious tone. Rey studied him for a moment, wondering what had gotten him so pissed off. What is something she said? She suddenly had an idea that was sure to please him, or at least make him less grumpy.

“Wanna get a drink at the igloo bar later?”

She could practically see his frown disappear under his face mask as his head perked up.

“Sure, I haven’t actually been in there yet,” he said, sounding significantly less angry. 

“Well you’re in luck, I know the bartender.”

“You would.”

They tackled the trails for another few hours, Ben throwing “carrots” into the conversation as often as he could, just to embarrass Rey. He was significantly less entertained when Rey teased him about his age, likening him to a grandpa. 

She eventually led them over to the back side of the main peak where the igloo bar was. After unclipping, she grabbed his hand to lead him inside. There were a few other people there, sitting on the benches made out of ice, sipping on cups of hot mulled wine and mugs of hot cocoa. They made their way over to the bar, where Rey was glad to see Jessika was making drinks.

“Hi Jessika, Merry Christmas!” she said, taking off her helmet.

“Hey Rey! I was hoping I’d see you today. Merry Christmas! The usual?” Jessika responded in her German accent.

“Make that two, please,” she said, gesturing to Ben behind her. 

“Coming right up! New friend?”

“This is Ben. Ben, Jessika. Jessika, Ben” Rey introduced them.

“Nice to meet you,” Ben said. He still had his helmet on.

“Wow, an American. How do you know Rey?” Jessika asked, pouring hot wine into two cups.

“We met on the slopes yesterday,” he responded honestly, but he couldn’t keep a smile out of his voice. Jessika seemed to notice, raising one eyebrow.

“On the slopes, huh? How… festive” she said, shooting Rey a meaningful look. Rey could tell that Jessika knew. She was perceptive that way.

“Ben, could you mind finding us a table?” she asked, “I’ll bring the drinks over.”

“Sure,” he said.

“Ok, Rey, spill,” Jessika said the moment he turned at left them alone. “He’s built like a tree. Please tell me you climbed that.”

“I did,” Rey admitted, feeling smug. “But he’s actually really nice, and a good snowboarder. So we’re probably going to ride together this week. It’s more fun being on the slopes with someone than I thought it would be, especially for him being a boarder.”

“Oh my god, you like him.”

“No I don’t.”

“Yes you do, Rey. I don’t even know you that well and I can tell!”

“Whatever, Jessika,” Rey said as she placed some bills on the bar and grabbed the drinks. “He’s just a friend. That I’m doing. That’s it.”

“Whatever you say, Rey,” Jessika said with a mischievous smile. “Have fun, girl.”

Rey shot her a smile before turning to find Ben waiting for her at one of the many ice tables in the igloo.

“You going to take your helmet off?” she asked, handing him a cup.

“Nope,” he answered, “keeps my head warm.”

“Whatever, weirdo.”

She watched him take a sip of the hot wine and raise his eyebrows in surprise.

“Is this spiked wine?” he asked.

“Yup, Jessika hooks me up with some extra liquor in it. Warms you right up, doesn’t it?”

“I’ve apparently been vacationing all wrong. Looks like I should start befriending lifties and igloo bartenders. Or just travel with you.”

“Maybe you should,” Rey suggested, “I’m surprised you don’t know all these tricks, aren’t the events you run held at big resorts? You’ve never befriended any of the staff?”

“I’m not a big people person,” he responded. 

She could understand that. She wasn’t normally either, but there was something different about people that worked on the mountain. They spoke the same language as her, she felt more open with them. 

“At least you seem to be getting along with me.”

He paused for a moment before responding.

“You’re special.”

Rey sipped on her wine, unsure what to say in response. He was looking at his wine, seeming to avoid her eyes.

“You’re not so bad yourself,” she finally said. Smooth.

“So you’ve said,” he replied, pulling his gaze up to smoulder her with his dark eyes again.

Rey felt warm, and not just from the alcohol.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes, I made Snap French and Jessika German. IDGAF. just trying to represent what skiing in Switzerland is like.


	8. Christmas Gift

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey gives Ben a Christmas gift. He can't bring himself to wreck their holiday and tell her the truth.

Ben had been dragged back to the hotel by Rey, but he wasn’t complaining. She seemed keen to get her hands on him after their drinks at the igloo bar, and Ben couldn’t help but be amused by how much the liquid courage helped her. He’d been struggling to keep his hands to himself all morning, so it seemed only fair that she suffer the distance between them thanks to their thick layers herself. They stumbled into her hotel room after making out in the elevator like a couple of teenagers, and quickly lost their many layers of clothing, which took significantly longer than the previous night. 

Ben was surprised when Rey dropped onto her knees in front of him and grabbed at his boxers.

“Rey…”

“I promised you a blow job… I keep my promises,” she said with a sexy grin that shot pulses straight to his cock. 

Ben could only watch as she peeled his boxers down his legs and wrapped a hand around him. He hissed.

“Your hands are still cold,” he said, wincing.

“Sorry!” she said, immediately releasing him and rubbing her hands together before placing them on his thighs. Ben missed the feel of her small hand on his dick, regardless of how cold it had been. “I guess my mouth will have to do.”

Ben groaned. It was like she knew just what to say to get him off. He looked down to see her eyes on his face as she leaned forward and laved her tongue lightly over the tip of his dick. The warm, soft feeling and the look in her eyes made him harden at a record-breaking pace. The sight of her kneeling in front of him in just her panties was something out of a dream. As she took him fully into her mouth and started pumping him in and out, he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, running a thumb along the shell of it.

Rey caught his hand in hers when he began to pull it away, and brought it back to her hair, tucking his fingers into it at the back of her head. Ben’s eyes widened at the gesture. He always tried to be careful with women, being as gentle as possible until asked otherwise. Rey was testing his self-control. His fingers tightened into her hair unconsciously when she ran the tip of her tongue along the vein on the underside of his cock before deep throating him. _Christ_. She was more hardcore in every way then the women he’d been with in the past. Nothing was fake with her, and nothing was done halfway. He wished he had more than a week with her, that he didn’t have to return to his life as Kylo Ren. He wanted to stay Ben, the guy whose cock was hitting the back of Rey’s throat.

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Rey was pleasantly surprised by Ben’s refractory period. He had tried to push her away when she felt him tense up while she was blowing him, but she was determined to make him come in her mouth. It gave her a sense of power. When she swallowed, he watched her with a look of awe. Before she knew it, he reached down, picked her up bridal style, and carried her to the bed, gently laying her down. After blanketing her with his body, he kissed her fervently, not seeming to mind the taste of himself on her mouth. Rey was hypnotized by his large hands on her body, playing her like a fine instrument. He seemed to know just where to stroke and just where to grab to set her on fire. She bit into his bottom lip, needing to sink her teeth into something. He responded with a low growl and a bite of his own, sucking her neck. She felt him harden against her, causing her eyebrows to raise. That was fast. 

Ben released her neck, pushing himself up to rid her of her panties. Rey was ready for him to push into her and fuck her into the headboard, but he once again made his way down her body to kiss her inner thigh. She’d pushed him away last night, asking for his cock. She didn’t want to admit to him why she didn’t want him to eat her out, that it felt like an intimate act that left her vulnerable and exposed, something she didn’t like being. She thrust a hand into his long hair, grabbing it lightly and looking down at him with what must have been a disapproving look. 

“Rey? Do you not want…”

“I… um…” she stuttered, unsure of how to brush it off casually.

“I just thought I’d return the favor,” Ben said, looking up at her with a mischievous smile. His crooked smirk pulled at her heartstrings, and she felt her determination to keep his mouth away from her core waver. He’d probably be good at it, with that large mouth and wicked tongue of his. 

“I appreciate that,” she said, sticking to her resolve, “I’m just not really into it.”

Ben’s eyebrows raised in confusion.

“You’re not into it?” he asked, genuine curiosity arising in his tone. He must think she was weird. Of course she was into it, she’d made her only real boyfriend she’d had do it all the time. It just wasn’t something she wanted a random guy she just met to do. Even if that guy was Ben.

“I just-... I’m not comfortable with it,” she said softly, covering her eyes with her hands as she layed back down flat. She was embarrassed by this point, and hoped Ben would take pity on her.

“Hey, hey, ok,” she heard him say with a soft tone, “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I just wanted to make you feel good.”

She peered through her hands to see him crawl back up the bed and lay down next to her. He gently grabbed of her hands, prying it away from her face. He kissed her knuckles before closing his hand around hers. It was one of the sweetest gestures Rey had ever experienced, and it left her confused. Would it really be so bad to let him go down on her? Although she barely knew him, she trusted him, somehow. She just felt… _safe_ with him. Maybe he’d convince her by the end of the week.

“So what _do_ you want to do?” he asked, waggling his eyebrows suggestively.

Rey laughed, swatting him on his chest. 

“I got you a Christmas present,” she said, leaning in towards his ear.

“Please tell me it’s festive lingerie,” he groaned lightly. He made Rey laugh more.

“Where would I have gotten holiday lingerie between last night and today?” she said, giggling.

“I don’t know, a guy can always hope,” he said with a smirk.

She hopped out of bed and grabbed a large box out of a drawer of the dresser and tossed it at him.

“Merry Christmas, wanker.”

“You got me condoms?” Ben asked with a laugh, throwing his head back.

“Well, technically I got _us_ condoms. The front desk sells them. I charged them to your room.”

“So _technically_ they’re _my_ Christmas present to you” Ben said, giving her a knowing look.

“Us.”

“Right, us.”

“If you don’t appreciate them,” Rey feigned in an airy tone, snatching the box away from him, “I can always take them back. Just thought you’d want to have sex ag-”

“Oh no you don’t,” Ben said, agilely leaping off the bed and grabbing Rey by the waist, tackling her back toward the bed.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

They spent most of the afternoon making use of Rey’s gift. When they were sprawled out on the bed, breathing hard and looking at each other, Rey’s stomach gave an impossibly loud grumble. Ben laughed at the way her brows furrowed together and she moaned with discontent. Ben didn’t blame her, they’d grabbed bananas from the concierge before heading out to first chair, and had yet to each lunch, and it was approaching 3pm.

“You know,” he said, “I’m a bit hungry. You?”

“Very funny,” Rey responded snappily, “you’ve thrown me off my schedule.”

“You’re the one that dragged me out to first chair and then back here! If anyone is setting the schedule,” he argued, “it’s you!” He leaned over to lay a kiss between her shoulderblades, letting her know that he was teasing.

“I’m supposed to be at the gym right now,” she said in a less annoyed tone, “I’m a professional athlete. I can’t let myself be… _distracted_.”

Ben caught himself before he almost argued that he too was an athlete. Rey still didn’t know he was Kylo Ren, and he hoped she never would. He liked being able to be himself with her and not have to fit into any sort of expectations. He hated lying to her, but he’d do it for a week and let her go on with her life.

“You wouldn’t classify the last two rounds as workouts?” he joked instead.

Rey pulled herself off of her stomach to lean on her side to face him, which pushed her breasts together in an unignorable way.

“I suppose this has been one way of cross-training,” she said with a smile.

“That’s the spirit.”

Ben probably should’ve also been trying to stick to a workout schedule too, but he had been looking forward to a week without half-piping. It felt like a chore at this point in his career, he couldn’t find it in himself to say he loved it anymore. Rey’s stomach interrupted his chain of thought, rumbling again loudly.

“Ugh,” she said, closing her eyes once more. “Sorry. I’m so used to regular meals now that it won’t shut up when it’s not fed every few hours.”

“What do you mean, ‘now’”? Ben asked. 

“Oh… I…”

“Did you not used to have regular meals?”

Rey looked away from him, her eyes darting toward the ceiling, the wall, anywhere that wasn’t his face. Did he ask too personal of a question? He hadn’t meant to overstep. He had just been confused by her wording.

“Yeah,” she said quietly, still looking away. “I grew up in the foster system, I didn’t always have reliable food sources.”

“Oh.”

A silent pause lingered between them.

“I’m sorry I asked,” Ben said, feeling guilty for making her confess it, “you don’t need to tell me anything.”

Rey looked at him then, a pointed look on her face. 

“You’re free to ask,” she said, “I only tell people things when I feel like it.”

Her stomach rumbled again.

“But right now,” she said, pushing herself out of bed, “I need food. You coming?”

“Definitely,” he responded, watching her stand up, her glorious body framed by the light coming from the window. He noticed several scars on her back that he had missed before. They didn’t detract from her beauty. But they did make him wonder more about Rey’s life, and what she had been through. There was certainly more to her than met the eye, much like himself. 

Rey sent him back up to his room so that they could both shower and get a fresh change of clothes. They met again in the lobby. Ben was sure to pull on a beanie and some sunglasses. So far, no one had recognized him on the trip, but he didn’t want to push his luck. He felt his mouth pull into an unpracticed smile when Rey approached, her presence a bright light that seemed to warm everything around her, including him. She looked cute in her tight jeans and snow boots that looked too big on her body. She had her hair back up into the three bun style. 

Rey led him to a small crepe shop not far into the town at the base of the mountain, and they sat down at the table at the window to watch inexperienced skiers wipe out on the difficult front face runs. She laughed when he wiped Nutella off of her face with his thumb, and he brought his lips to hers, kissing them lightly. He’d never felt so at ease with someone, like he’d known her forever. He wondered if she was feeling it too- this weird connection they seemed to have. Unless everyone felt this way about her after spending time with her. He couldn’t imagine anyone not wanting to be around her constantly.

“You know,” she said, wiping the remnants of her crepe from her mouth with a napkin, “I feel bad now for being so rude to you on the chairlift yesterday morning.”

“Was that just yesterday? Feels like forever ago.”

“That’s what I mean,” she said, still looking out the window. “I don’t exactly make friends easily… and you’ve been so nice. I’m not sure I deserve it.”

Ben watched her as she wrung her hands together out of habit. 

“Sure you do,” he said confidently.

She turned her head then, peering at him in disagreement.

“How would you know that? We really don’t know each other very well. You don’t even know my last name.”

“True,” Ben responded, “but I can tell. I’ve dealt with a lot of different kind of people. You get to be a good judge of character after a while.”

Rey looked back out the window, a pondering look in her eye.

“It’s Sands,” she said after a while.

“What?”

“My last name… it’s Sands.”

Ben was silent for a moment. She trusted him. He suddenly felt dirty, guilt rising up in his stomach. Now was the time. He should just tell her who he was. His real name and his boarding name.

“Mine is Solo.”

“I like you, Ben Solo,” Rey said in a low voice, leaning toward him.

“I like you, Rey Sands.”

He basked in her smile before she leaned him and pecked his lips chastely.


	9. Shatter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey's world comes crashing down around her as she learns who Ben really is.

The week was like a fluffy montage out of a rom-com. Rey was crazy about Ben. Not only did they have mind-blowing compatibility in bed, but Rey genuinely enjoyed his company, and missed him whenever they briefly separated. She made him go to the gym with her, which ended up being more distracting than anything due to the way his muscles rippled and his sweat made his shirts cling to him. He took her out to dinner or on long walks around the resort town. She told him things about her childhood that usually took years of friendship to uncover. He shared his insecurities with her, and his dream to start his own line of snowboards and gear. 

He even convinced her to let him give her a snowboard lesson. They spent a whole afternoon on the bunny hill, with Rey on her ass 95% of the time, Ben running around sans board and holding her up.

“My coach will kill me if I get hurt,” Rey said after she fell for about the thousandth time. “Then he’ll kill you.”

Ben laughed and reached down to hoist her up again. 

“I won’t let you get hurt.”

Rey believed him.

They spent every night in eachother’s arms, and Rey couldn’t remember ever getting a better quality sleep. On Ben’s last night, they had dinner at the hotel restaurant, then slowly made their way up to Ben’s suite. Neither one of them brought up the fact that they would have to part soon, neither wanted it to end. They made love slowly and surely, Ben rolling into her at a steady pace, holding her hands above her head. His lips stayed attached to her skin- to her lips, her neck, her chest, anywhere he could reach. He let go of her hands to reach under her and roll her on top off him. Rey grasped desperately at his chest and shoulders as she rode him, reveling in his worshipful gaze and soft affirmations. She kept her eyes locked on his as she came, and Rey couldn’t remember a feeling so pure. It felt like winning a race or feeling the cold mountain breeze on her face in the morning, but being able to share it with someone. Ben flipped her back over to pummel into her, his body rocking with his own orgasm. Rey held him in his arms and stroked his back, trying to resist being the one that broke the silence.

“Are you sure you have to leave tomorrow?” she whispered, her voice sounding small and injured.

Ben groaned on top of her.

“I wish I didn’t,” he said, kissing her temple, “I’ve already tried to get out of work to extend my trip. No such luck.”

Rey bit back tears, and settled for continuing to run her fingers down his back in gentle patterns.  
“When can I see you next?” Ben asked after a while.

Rey’s hands froze. She’d hoped that he would want to see her again, but she figured that a rich bachelor could find plenty of partners in the US. Why would he make an effort to see her? Sure, they had a great connection, but no one had ever come back for her before.

“You want to see me again?”

Ben pulled back to look at her with a confused expression.

“Of course,” he said, “do you not want to?”

“No! I mean… yes! Yes I want to see you again.”

Ben’s smile made Rey melt a little bit more into the mattress. 

“Well,” he said, laying back down on top of her to nuzzle her neck, “I should be back in Europe in about a month for work. I could arrange to meet you somewhere. You’re always welcome to come to the US and visit me in Colorado.”

“I don’t think I can take off any more time this season,” she said, “and I couldn’t really afford to go out to Colorado anyway.” She’d been there for races before, but that was on her sponsor’s dime.

“I’ll fly you out,” Ben said without hesitation.

“That is one expensive booty call.”

“You’re not a booty call,” he said into her hair.

“What am I?” Rey asked, unsure of the answer herself.

That made Ben pause. “I don’t know. What are we, Rey?”

“You’re asking the single worst person at relationships.”

“Nah,” he chuckled, “I have you beat in that category. Are you saying we’re in a relationship?”

Rey thought for a moment. “I guess so. A weird one maybe.”

“Weird is fine with me,” Ben responded. 

“All I know is that I don’t think I could stand seeing you with anyone else,” she admitted quietly, truthfulness shining through her tone.

Ben pushed himself off of her again to look her in the eyes.

“Agreed,” he said, kissing her nose. “we’ll just have to figure it out as we go.”

Rey pulled down on him again, laying him across her chest. His weight felt like a security blanket- comforting, warm. She listened to his slowing breath across her chest as he fell asleep. Rey was too happy to sleep. This week long relationship was already stronger than any she had previously. It was scary, putting her trust so completely in someone, but it was exhilarating. 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ben felt guilt roiling in his stomach as he kissed Rey goodbye. Now, now was his chance to tell her about his career. Before she found out from someone else. But the look on her face and the privacy of what they had together made him want to keep it quiet. No one else deserved to know what they had between them, which would inevitably happen if he had to be Kylo Ren. She deserved better. She deserved a nice, caring boyfriend. She deserved to live her life in relative privacy, and enjoy her time spent with him. That would all go to shit if the press ever found out about their relationship. 

He knew he couldn’t keep it from her forever. He would have to tell her. It was only a week in, so realistically, in any other relationship, it would still be reasonable for him to withhold the information for that long. But this wasn’t just any old relationship. This was Rey, someone that he could see himself wanting for a very, very long time. Someone that matched him perfectly, made him feel happier than he had felt in years. How would she react if he told her now? Would she feel betrayed? Would she care? Maybe she’d even be impressed, although Ben severely doubted that. She wasn’t the kind to suck up to anyone. Maybe she’d take the news better than anyone. She probably wouldn’t act very differently around him. 

But Ben didn’t want to take that chance. What if she did? What if she suddenly expected him to be crazier and darker than he really was? Or worse, what if she stopped liking him because of his alter ego? She was so pure, so full of light. Fierce and independent, but inherently good. Would she think of him differently after knowing about his behavior as Kylo Ren? He was suddenly very self-conscious of his persona, and the things he did when he was younger.

He held her face in his hands, trying to work up the courage to tell her. He couldn’t leave without telling her. She’d understand, right?

“You’re too good to me,” she whispered against his lips before kissing him.

_Fuck_. No, he wasn’t a good person. He was Kylo Ren, and he was a liar. He couldn’t even enjoy the feeling of her lips on his. His touch on her felt like poison. He would tell her the next time they met up. He would.

“You’ll call me?” he asked, hearing his voice break.

Rey smiled up at him. “You’re still in my phone as ‘Hot Snowboard Ben’, so yeah. I will.”

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Rey spent the day on the slopes after saying goodbye to Ben. She’d felt alone and cold the minute he left her arms. Thankfully, skiing was the best medicine for her. There was nothing that the sound of her skis carving into the mountainside couldn’t fix. She imagined Ben was riding along beside her. 

She went back to her normal schedule, heading to the gym after a light lunch to get a workout in. The workout wasn’t nearly as satisfying as the workouts she’d been getting from Ben for the past week. Frustrated, she stomped into the locker room, quickly rinsing off and putting on a bathing suit to get into the hot tub. Unfortunately, there were a few guys in it already when she entered the pool room. Determined to not let the presence of other people ruin her relaxing soak, Rey paid them no mind as she dropped her towel on a chair and eased her way into the hot tub.

She closed her eyes and leaned her head back, day dreaming of what she and Ben would do next, where they would be. Her peaceful thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the guys across the large hot tub snickering. She peeked an eye open to see one of them pointing their camera phone at her, the others looking between the screen and her.

“Can I help you?” she said fiercely, not intimidated by the likes of a couple 20-something year old asshats. She was tempted to swim across the hot tub to grab the phone and drown it.

“Are you the girl that’s dating Kylo Ren?” one of them asked, smirking at her.

“Excuse me?”

“Kylo Ren, you’re here with him, right?” another clarified.

“The half-piper?” she asked, confused. Did they recognize her as a ski racer? That was unlikely. She’d never even met Kylo Ren. They didn’t run in similar circles, and they didn’t even attend the same events. 

“Yeah, you’re on vacation with him this week, right?”

“No…” she said, still confused. “I’ve never even met him.”

One of the guys snickered. “Yeah, right,” he said, looking blatantly at her neck. Rey realized suddenly that she probably had some fading hickies there, and reached up with her hands to cover her neck.

She climbed out of the hot tub, trying her best to not give the guys a look at her ass while doing so. She wrapped her towel around herself tightly and quickly stalked out and into the ladies’ locker room. What the hell was that? Why did they think she was dating Kylo Ren of all people? She’d heard about him on TV and such, he’d won a few Olympic medals and was pretty famous, especially in the US. Poe sometimes spoke about him. But she wasn’t a big snowboard fan, so she didn’t keep up with it.

She shook off the confrontation. They must have confused her for someone else, or were pulling stuff out of their ass just to mess with her. Guys were always doing that, especially rich, white guys staying in their parents’ chalets in the Alps. One of their parents probably owned one of the penthouses on the top of the hotel.

She threw on a robe to make her way back to her room, taking the stairs to avoid using the elevator and running into anyone else. She hopped into the shower, letting the soap wash away the weird, dirty feeling that the assholes had left her. She was feeling significantly better when she stepped out of the shower and put on a clean robe. She wished Ben was here, they’d spend the rest of the evening walking around town or spending some quality time in her bed.

After throwing her hair up into a towel, she made her way over to her nightstand where she had left her phone charging after saying goodbye to Ben this morning. It had died since she had spent the night in his suite. She had a barrage of messages and missed calls. The first text was from Ben.

**_Hot Snowboard Ben_ ** _  
Hope your day is ‘carrots’. Enjoy the slopes without me._

Attached was a photo of Ben’s hand holding an airport salad with shredded carrots. Rey laughed, trying to imagine him eating a dainty salad. He probably got it just to tease her about ‘carrots’.

The next were mostly from her teammates Poe and Finn, and even a few from her coach and her agent.

_**Poe-bear**  
rey, have you seen this? wtf?_

_http://espn.com/kylo_ren_romantic_getaway.html_

_**Finn ‘n Tonic**  
i’m with Poe rn, did you seriously go on vacation with kylo ren? how come you didn’t tell us?!?!?!??!!!_

_**Poe-bear**  
rey, seriously. how do you even know him? i’m happy for you, but, like… he doesn’t really seem like your type…_

_**Poe-bear**  
Did you know u were being photographed? this is some real sketchy shit. call us when u get these messages_

_**Finn ‘n Tonic**  
ok so it looks like they’ve figured out who you are… _

_http://barstool.com/kylo_ren_mystery_girl_skier_rey_sands.html_

_**Poe-bear**  
shit Rey, are you ok? i can’t imagine that you like this… we’re worried about you. Call us ASAP_

_**Finn ‘n Tonic**  
ok but also like… high five. Kylo ren is hot AF. still mad you didn’t tell us tho… i want the deets. also, call us._

_**Coach Ackbar**  
Poe just sent me some links about your holiday vacation. Your personal life is personal when it comes to me, but you will probably need to discuss your relationship with your agent._

_**Connix- agent**  
Rey! I need you to call our office ASAP. We need some sort of warning if you are going to be dating someone famous, especially someone with competing sponsors. We’ve had people calling us all day. We need to chat. -Connie_

Rey’s eyebrows were furrowed so hard that it was giving her a headache. Whatever was happening, there must be some sort of mistake. She didn’t even know Kylo Ren. He must have been photographed with someone who looks like her. 

She opened the first link Poe sent her. To her surprise, the first photo was of Ben kissing her in the window of the crepe shop. The article was titled, 'Womanizer Kylo Ren Spends Romantic Christmas Vacation with Mystery Girl.' She suddenly felt sick. What was going on? Why had someone photographed her with Ben? Was he-? 

_No._

Rey’s fingers shook as she opened a new window on her phone, typing in ‘Kylo Ren’. The first two rows were action shots of the half-piper, but when she scrolled down, her heart stopped. There were photos of Ben. Her sweet Ben. 

He was Kylo Ren? _What the fuck?_

She tapped back to the ESPN article, and scrolled to discover blurry photo after blurry photo of the two of them- in the crepe shop, on the mountain, at the hotel restaurant. Every precious moment of the last week was posted for everyone to see. 

Her mind didn’t even have time to process the information before she went back to Poe’s texts to follow the second link. 

‘Kylo Ren’s Mystery Girlfriend Identified- British Ski Racer Rey Sands’. 

Rey swallowed, realizing that she hadn’t closed her mouth in minutes. She scrolled through the article, which featured more shots of her and Ben, and several old photos of her from races or events, which thankfully were really the only other photos of her online. 

Her eyes skimmed the text, looking for any sort of evidence that this could all be some sort of massive understanding. Unfortunately, only a few lines caught her eye. 

‘Serial dater Kylo Ren looked happy with his new girlfriend, which sources have identified as ski racer Rey Sands.’ 

‘Not known for settling down, could this British beauty be the one to finally reign in Kylo Ren?’ 

‘Kylo Ren’s fans have accused women in the past of using him for his fame, is Rey Sands using him to boost her skiing career?’ 

Rey’s eyes filled with tears. She stared at the last photo of her and Ben. It was a blurry, zoomed in photo of them at the hotel restaurant. He was looking at her with a soft smile, and she was rolling her eyes. It made her look like a snob, like she was hating every second of being with him. In reality, she was probably rolling her eyes at a terrible pun of his, which she probably laughed at seconds later. But the photo read differently. 

It made her look… _cheap_. She felt cheap. 

She looked back at the search engine images of Kylo Ren. She recognized his look with his gear on, but had never really looked at his face closely before. There was no denying that it was Ben. She’d mapped out his bone structure with her lips. His large nose, prominent brow, long black hair. He was distinct looking. This was no mistake. 

_Of course._ Of course he’d been an excellent snowboarder. How thick did she have to be to see that he was professional-level skilled? She just assumed it was his hobby. His refusal to go to the half-pipe and terrain park now blared in her memory. Of course he hadn’t wanted to go, he’d be easily recognized if he starting pulling off insane tricks, especially by other snowboarders. The beanies, the sunglasses, the claim that he ‘worked in the industry’. Everything was lining into place. 

Rey felt like an idiot. She’d been used, betrayed. Kylo Ren had used her as a consequence-free hook-up for a week, without any regard for what it made her look like, the effect it would have on her. 

She couldn’t keep back the tears any longer. She let them spill down her face silently, sinking to the floor and pulling her robe tightly around her. Her body no longer felt clean from the shower. Why had he done this to her? She thought they’d had a real connection… when did she get to be so _stupid_ and gullible? She told him things she’d never told anyone. Would he use those against her if she tried to defend herself to the press? Oh god, the press. There were times in her career when she wished she was photographed more, when more people would pay attention to her wins. But this is not what she had dreamed about. She didn’t want fame or success to come from any man, especially for being their _whore_. 

Her breath caught in her throat. That’s how people would see her now. A girl that used Kylo Ren and slept her way up the chain. The pain of the thought was devastating. Not quite as devastating, however, as the thought that she would probably never see Ben again. Or Kylo Ren, she guessed. A fake name. How rich. Everything Ben was seemed so different than Kylo Ren. She was having trouble reconciling the two in her mind. Ben lied to her. Would he even have answered her calls? Why did he say he wanted to see her again, just to mess with her more? Was it all a lie? Every laugh, every smile, every time that he held her hand and ran his thumb across her knuckles like he could have spent all day doing it? Rey had to keep back the vomit threatening to arise in her throat. 

Her mind was reeling when her phone, still in her hand, started ringing. 

**_Hot Snowboard Ben_** appeared on the screen. Rey stared at the screen, and had no idea what to do. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for all the support, everyone. i've never really had a creative release before, and the past few months of stepping out of my comfort zone and writing (I know I'm not terribly good at it) as been so fun.
> 
> this chap is painful, sorry about that!


	10. Messages

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben tries to get a hold of Rey, desperate to explain himself.

Ben took his phone off of airplane mode as his flight from Bern to New York landed. After a moment, it exploded with texts and voicemails and missed calls. What had happened?

By the time the plane taxied to the gate, Ben was in shock. News sites, ESPN, Twitter, and Instagram were flooded with photos of him and Rey. _Fuck_. He was going to tell her. He really was. He had no idea they had already been identified. Some articles even had her name, where she was from, where she trained. 

He went back to his texts.

**_Snoke_ **   
_We need to talk. I didn’t authorize your vacation just to have you get photographed with some scavenger. We will be meeting about this tomorrow._

_**Coach Phasma** _   
_since when do you have a girlfriend? why haven’t you introduced me to her? She looks nice_

**_Mom_ **   
_When you told me you couldn’t come for Christmas, I thought it was because of your training. You didn’t tell me you were spending it with a girlfriend! What is she like? Just from the photos I already like her better than the usual floozy bimbos you date. And she’s a skier. How romantic, two mountain lovers. Call me, I want to meet her._

**_Hux_ **   
_Found urself a holiday hoe did u? Snoke’s gonna be pissed that u look like a sap in the photos. I knew u were due to fuck up again soon._

Shit. There was no way to fix this. He needed to call Rey ASAP, and pray that she hadn’t seen everything yet. Obviously she was going to eventually, but if he got a chance to explain himself first maybe she wouldn’t absolutely hate him. Maybe. He should have told her. He just didn’t want to ruin what they had. For the first time in years, he was happy. It was like the week spent with her had sparked new life inside of him. He just wanted to be Ben. He didn’t give a rat’s ass about Kylo Ren anymore. Would she understand that he had been more real with her than he had with anyone? Or would all of the memories they made together be tainted in her mind by his lie? He wouldn’t be able to bear it if he fucked everything up. That was so like him- to destroy any goodness in his life.

He only had a 35 minute layover until his next flight from New York to Denver. He grabbed his carry-on from the overhead compartment and practically ran off the plane. He ran to his next gate and sat in a far, empty corner of it. He took a deep breath before pulling his phone back out and calling Rey.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Rey ignored his call and let it add on to the list of a dozen or so missed calls. 

He used her. She’d let herself trust him completely, perhaps the first time she’d opened herself up like that. She’d defended herself her whole life, and was stupid enough to let some guy in just because he was hot and said one or two nice things to her. She should have stopped it at casual sex, like she always did. Cut things off before they became personal. This was exactly why she didn’t trust people- they were only out for themselves. He had lied just to keep her in his bed, and now she was the one who would have to deal with the consequences. He could go fuck himself as far as she was concerned, she certainly wouldn’t be answering any of his calls. He was probably calling to see when he could next bang her. 

She put her phone down on the floor beside her where she was sitting. She wrapped her arms around her legs and tried to take deep breaths. She’d have to do something about this soon. She wished she could just hide away from the world and pretend that it never happened. Would people recognize her if she left her room? Who had taken all of those photos, would they be waiting in the hotel lobby for her?

She tried to clear her mind. She often used meditation to calm herself before making any decisions. She closed her eyes and sat on the floor. After what could have been a few minutes or an hour, she opened her eyes again.

She reached for her phone and called Finn.

“Rey! We’ve been worried about you! Where are you, still in Switzerland?” he asked over the phone.

“Hi, yes. I’m still here,” she said quietly, trying to keep her voice from cracking in sadness.

“Are you really there with Kylo Ren?”

“Yes,” she said. “I promise I’ll tell you all about it when I get home. Is Poe there?”

“Yeah, he’s in the kitchen- he says hi,” Finn responded.

“Tell him I say hi too,” Rey said, “I’m coming home tomorrow- my flight is pretty early so I should be home by 3:00 pm or so.

“Do you want us to pick you up from the airport?”

“No, don’t bother, that’s too far. But if you could pick me up from the train station that would be helpful,” she answered.

“No problem, call me when you’re on the train. I can’t wait to hear all about Kylo Ren! How did you even meet him? And how come you didn’t tell us?”

“It’s a long story,” Rey said with a laugh that sounded more painful than jubilant. “I’m pretty tired right now, but I’ll tell you everything tomorrow. Promise.

“Ok, Rey. We’re looking forward to having you back. Safe travels. Love you.”

“Love you guys,” Rey said softly before hanging up. 

She leaned her head back onto the bed, and let more tears fall. At least she had Finn and Poe. They wouldn’t hurt her. They’d help her get through this. She wasn’t alone. They’d help her come up with a plan for what to say to her agent, how to deal with this. They were her only friends, and it had taken a full year before she told them anything personal about herself. Why had she forsaken that technique with Ben? 

Her hair was now nearly dry from the amount of time she’d spent on the floor of her hotel room. Her stomach rumbled with hunger, but she didn’t have the energy to get up and find food. 

Her phone pinged with a notification of a new message.

**_Hot Snowboard Ben_ **   
_Please call me back, Rey. I really need to talk. I’m guessing you’ve seen everything already. I promise I was going to tell you. I’m so sorry. This is not what I wanted to happen. I care about you, and I didn’t want my public image to get in the way of that. Please believe me. I’m sorry._

Rey stared at his message, cycling between feelings of despair, anger, and loneliness. He couldn’t even man up and admit what he was doing the whole time? Instead he was pretending that he genuinely cared about her? What a prick. Before she could calm down and ignore his message, she typed out a response.

_to **Hot Snowboard Ben**_   
_Hi Kylo, please don’t contact me again. I don’t like to make a habit of being used. You’ll have better luck appointing your attentions elsewhere._

Rey stared at her sent message, hoping he would take the hint and stop pestering her. He’d done enough. Unfortunately, her phone pinged again not a moment later.

**_Hot Snowboard Ben_ **   
_Please don’t call me that, Rey. My real name is Ben. Kylo Ren is just a moniker I use for competitions. I swear I was going to tell you, I had no idea we were being photographed. Everything else I told you was true. Please, please let me talk to you, so I can apologize. My flight leaves in 15 minutes, please call me._

Rey read his message several times, searching for meaning in every word. Was his name really Ben? She thought he had just made that up so that she wouldn’t recognize him as Kylo Ren. Was it really his actual name? Why hadn’t she heard it before? It seemed unlikely.

And what did he mean by ‘Everything else I told you was true’? Was he serious? He told her about his parents, how he didn’t get along with them. He told her how he’d wanted to quit his job for nearly two years, and about his dreams to start his own line of snowboards. Had that really been true? She thought he’d been talking about his event managing job, but had he meant that he wanted to quit snowboarding? That piece of information would certainly cause a scandal in the sports world. There was no way he would have told that to someone he just met and been serious about it. How could she believe anything he said after what he had done?

He said that he wanted to apologize to her. She couldn’t think of any reason that he would say that without meaning it. Maybe he was just going to try to get her to keep quiet about him, and not tell the press anything about him. He wouldn’t have to worry about that anyway, she wasn’t anything like him.

_to **Hot Snowboard Ben**_   
_i don’t need your pity or your apology. I’m not going to say anything to the press about you, so don’t worry. it will be like i never existed._

**_Hot Snowboard Ben_ **   
_No, that’s not what I’m trying to say! I want to apologize for lying to you. I don’t care what anyone else thinks. I could never forget you. Please, I’m so sorry. You have every right to be angry with me, but I’ll do anything to make it up to you._

Rey was confused by his text. Did he actually care? What was he trying to accomplish? He was being rather persistent at trying to apologize. There was sincerity leaking through the phone, but she wouldn’t be fooled twice.

Her phone rang again with his call. She ignored it. She wasn’t ready for this. She needed Finn and Poe’s help to stay cool and deal with this calmly. The 15 minute point came and went, and Ben’s plane to Colorado must have departed. Kylo. Kylo’s plane. Rey groaned in frustration. Who was he?

She finally peeled herself off of the floor and curled up into bed, burying herself under sheets and pillows. She wanted to hibernate and never emerge, didn’t want to deal with what laid ahead. She was going to be reminded of this every day. Every race she went to, reporters would ask her about him. People would start recognizing her, she couldn’t remain anonymous anymore. She snuggled into herself harder, wishing the bed would swallow her whole and take away her problems.


	11. Headache

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben's headaches return, Rey tries to make a decision.

Ben had forgotten how bad his headaches actually were. The day he met Rey, they had mysteriously disappeared. But now they had returned with a vengeance. He spent the entire flight trying to sleep it off, desperate for a moment of relief. There was nothing he could do from up in the air. He hadn’t convinced Rey to answer his calls, hadn’t been able to hear her voice. He missed her already, and it hadn’t even been 24 hours. How had he really expected to be able to handle something long distance? He wasn’t built for that.

He wanted to come up with a way to prove to her what kind of person he really was, but he couldn’t honestly answer that question himself. He could have sworn when he was with her that he was 100% Ben, but the lying was pure Kylo Ren. Maybe he wasn’t the person he thought he was. He used to be able to separate them so easily, but now it felt like they bled into each other. He hated it. He used to think Kylo Ren was a cool, badass alter ego that he could slip in and out of whenever he wanted. When had he let it taint him?

The only thing he knew for certain was how he felt about Rey. Even if she still refused to give him another chance, he at least needed to apologize in person and attempt to make it up to her. She deserved that. Ben felt his head pound harder at the thought that they may not end up together. His heart clenched, like it was reaching out for someone that wasn’t there.

What was he going to say to Snoke? ‘Sorry, I need to fly back to Europe to apologize to my girlfriend that you didn’t authorize.’ Yeah, _that_ would go well. This was all so fucked up. He didn’t even want to work with First Order Sports anymore. Hadn’t for a while really, but Snoke’s vague threats made him stretch his career longer, year by year, and stay with the agency. He wished he could quit it all- First Order Sports, competing, this mess he made with Rey. There was no amount of Tylenol that could cure this headache.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Rey awoke disoriented. For a moment, she couldn’t place where she was or what day it was. As she looked around, she recognized her room in the Hotel Gritenberg. _Great_. She was still there. This wasn’t all just some horrible nightmare.

She reached over to her nightstand to check her phone for the time. She’d awkwardly fallen asleep without any real dinner or lunch to speak of around 5pm, and it was now past midnight. Her stomach grumbled painfully. Since she’d tucked herself into her bed, she’d also received even more messages and calls, all about her and Kylo Ren. She deleted all of the notifications.

She flipped on the lamp next to the bed and stared at the wall across from her for what felt like an hour. Her mind was blank. She wasn’t thinking about anyone in particular who’d broken her heart, she wasn’t calculating her next move, she wasn’t even letting any particular emotion surface. She just looked at the wall.

Her stomach complained again. Thankfully, she still had food that she’d brought from home- packs of trail mix that she had planned to eat on the mountain before Ben interrupted her whole plan and took her out to eat constantly. They would have to do until morning. She munched on the nuts and dried fruit. She should probably pack- she’d have to head to the train station pretty early in the morning to make it to the airport on time. But she couldn’t find the energy to do anything but eat the unsatisfying trail mix.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ben pulled on his sunglasses and beanie again before stepping off of the plane in Denver. Hopefully he’d be able to get through baggage claim and step into the car waiting for him without being recognized. Things would not go well if anyone approached him, not in the state he was him. But who knew, maybe punching a reporter would help him get back on Snoke’s good side. As he stomped his way down the terminal, he saw a few people do double-takes, but managed to reach baggage claim unbothered. He sighed as he hid in a corner near the carousel that would be ejecting the luggage from his flight. 

He reluctantly turned on his phone. He had kept it off, trying to ignore the problem at hand, but he would need to call his driver and inform him of his arrival. He promptly deleted the long list of notifications and rang his driver, telling him the door number at which to meet him.

At that moment, a few teenage girls approached him. Two of them poked the one in the center, pushing her toward him. She sheepishly smiled, looking embarrassed and slightly anxious.

“I’m sorry to bother you, are you Kylo Ren?” she asked. The other girls giggled.

“Yes, I am,” Ben answered, not nearly as annoyed as he expected to be. This was a normal occurrence for him, but he thought he wouldn’t be able to handle it after his _very_ long day. Thankfully, he actually wasn’t bothered by it for once.

“Oh my god, we love you,” piped up one of the other girls.

“Can we get a photo with you?” asked the other, holding up her smart phone.

“Sure,” he answered, bending his knees a bit so that he would fit in their selfie.

“Thanks so much! And we love your new girlfriend! She’s _sooo_ pretty,” the middle one said with a genuine smile.

Ben couldn’t help but grin. “Yeah, yeah she is.”

“How did you meet her?”

“On the slopes. I told her I liked her skis,” he answered honestly.

“That is _sooo_ perfect. It’s like it was destiny,” one said.

“Rey is, like, really awesome. Someone on Twitter said she started racing while she was still in the foster system. That is so cool. I was in the system until I was adopted last year,” another added.

“That’s true,” Ben confirmed. “She’s a total badass.”

The girls giggled again nervously.

“You’re a lot nicer than people say you are,” one of them said. The others elbowed her in shock.

“What? I said he was nice.”

“Thanks, don’t tell anyone though,” he said with a smirk. “I have an image to uphold, you know?” he shot them a wink.

The girls blushed and thanked him again for the photo, waving goodbye as they made their way back to their carousel. 

Ben reflected on their conversation. He hadn’t denied them when they called Rey his girlfriend. That’s what everyone online was calling them. He wished it was as sweet and picturesque as the girls had made it out to be. No one knew (yet) that she hadn’t known he was Kylo Ren, and that she currently wasn’t speaking to him. He wondered how long that would remain a secret. No doubt people would rip him apart if they ever found out. On the other hand, that would align more with the Kylo Ren persona- playing someone like that.

His headache returned.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rey eventually made herself get up and start packing. She only had a few hours until sunrise. She selected her ‘cleaning’ playlist on her phone and set it on the desk, keeping the volume low since it was the middle of the night and she didn’t want to wake her neighbors. 

Every piece of clothing she picked off of the floor reminded her of how Ben had taken them off of her- with his fingers, his teeth- sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. She threw away the receipts from the crepe shop, the hotel restaurant, the quaint Swiss craft boutique where he bought her a bracelet with charms in the shapes of skis, blocks of cheese, and Edelweiss. She didn’t even wear jewelry, but he had loved it so much that she couldn’t refuse him. She quickly tucked the bracelet away into an inner pocket of her bag, she’d deal with it later.

All of these things reminded her of everything about Ben that she loved. Had that been the real him? Or had it been an act? Which was the real him- the one that spent the week with her, or the cocky half-piper who lied to her?

Maybe she could at least talk to him, hear what he had to say. She would eventually need some sort of closure. Or not. It was so hard for her to close the door on them forever when she was reminiscing over the sweet memories that lived in her hotel room as she packed it up. He’d lied, but who hasn’t lied? Sure, his was more detrimental than the average white lie, but she could at least let him apologize. And hear Ben’s voice again. She glanced at her phone sitting on the desk. It was so tempting to pick it up and call him. They should at least talk through this like adults. She should really wait to get some advice from Finn and Poe, but they didn’t know Ben anyway. In the end, this would be up to her.


	12. Phone Call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey calls Ben, and they must confront what's happened, and what's between them.

Ben was in the back seat of his driver’s car, halfway home when his phone rang. He was tempted to ignore it completely, but instead snuck a glance at the caller ID. He was so shocked by the name of the contact that he nearly forgot to answer it. 

“Rey?”

“Yeah,” the voice answered, “it’s me.” She sounded tired. He couldn’t believe she’d called him.

“Rey, I am so sorry- I never meant for this-”

“Ben,” she cut him off, “I really need to speak first.” Her voice felt a million miles away, like her light had been dimmed. The joy of hearing her voice was mixed with the agony of it sounding dull, and heavy.

“Of course,” he responded anxiously.

“I… I’m not even sure why I’m calling. I’m not sure if I can believe anything that you’ll say. Because it turns out that I don’t know you at all- I don’t know whether to talk to you like you’re Ben or like you’re Kylo... What I need you to know before you say anything is that what you did was really shitty. It was stupid on my part to trust a stranger, but it was downright cruel on your part to make me think that we had something special. I wouldn’t be mad if you just used me for sex. But you made me trust you, and you put that trust out there for the entire world to see without asking me and without caring about what effect it might have on my life. Do you understand why I’m mad?”

“Yes,” he answered quietly. He truly hadn’t known or considered all of the facets of his lie, and the hurt in Rey’s voice made the new understanding all that much worse.

He heard Rey sigh loudly over the phone.

“I want to handle this like an adult who had a disagreement with another adult she only knew for a week,” she said, her voice low. “But you really hurt me, Ben. And I’m tired of letting people hurt me. I didn’t have anything to lose before. But now I have friends, I have a career.”

Ben swallowed thickly, fighting back tears. He knew exactly how much she’d been hurt in the past. Practically everyone she ever knew had left her. He never intended to be one of those people.

“Is your name really even Ben?”

That snapped him out of his paralysis.

“Yes,” he cleared his throat. “It is. Ben Solo. When I told you that, I was trying to make a friend. Outside of Kylo Ren. So I didn’t have to… be anything.”

“I get that… I guess…” he heard Rey say slowly with a reluctant tone.

“I didn’t know we would become… what we were,” he added honestly. “Each day passed, and it was like I was so caught up in just being me for once that it was like it didn’t even matter that I’m Kylo Ren...”

“Ben,” Rey inquired, cutting him off, “why didn’t you tell me?”

Ben sighed. This was the real question. He looked out of the window at the mountains rolling by, wishing he was out there with her, in the snow.

“I was going to tell you. Really. But I was afraid you might not like me anymore if you knew who I was.”

“If I knew you were a famous half-piper?” she asked.

“If you knew I was a pompous jerk.”

Rey was silent, but Ben could practically hear her thinking. Finally, she asked a question he wasn’t expecting.

“I’m going to be honest, I don’t know much about you. Are you a pompous jerk?” 

He would have laughed if it were any other situation, but he knew she wasn’t joking.

“I have been,” he answered, “I could be.”

“You weren’t pompous or a jerk in Switzerland.”

“I didn’t have to be.”

Another pause.

“What does that mean?” Rey asked.

“It’s sort of… what I’m supposed to be. As an athlete. Mostly for marketing.”

Ben could see Rey scowling in his mind’s eye.

“ _For marketing?_ ”.

“Yeah,” he admitted.

“You mean to tell me your agency makes you be an asshole for _marketing_?!”

“Well,” he said, “it’s not just their fault. I was really into it when I was younger. It made me look pretty intimidating, and it got me lots of press. I did a lot of stupid shit, made a lot of enemies. I didn’t have to do it, but I agreed. I wasn’t just pretending to be an asshole. I really was one.”

She seemed to consider his statement for a minute before responding.

“Are you still like that?”

“Apparently I am. I lied to you,” he said thickly. 

“ _Ben_ ,” she said earnestly. She sighed again. What time was it in Switzerland? Shouldn’t she be sleeping?

“Would I like Kylo Ren?” she asked in a small voice after a moment.

“Probably not,” he answered. “Even I don’t like him very much.”

“But you can’t separate that part of your life from yourself. It will always be with you, in a way,” she said wisely.

“That’s true,” he agreed sadly.

“The truth is,” she said, sounding even more tired, “I like you so much that I wouldn’t mind if you were Kylo Ren too.”

Ben’s throat clenched, what was she saying?

“But,” she continued, her voice breaking, “you lied to me. I told you things I don’t tell _anyone_. And you let me. You let me expose myself, knowing that I didn’t even know who you were. That was low, Ben. Very low.”

He could hear her crying, her voice thick with tears. It made his throat close up, and it became hard to breathe.

“I know,” he mumbled pitifully. “I am so sorry. It was so selfish of me to lie. I wanted to be someone else with you so badly that I… I convinced myself that it would be better to just… I told myself that as long as I was being honest with you about who I am as Ben, then that was enough. And I know that was wrong, and that what I did hurt you,” his own voice cracked now, “and it turns out I’m just as bad as Kylo Ren anyway. Nothing I can say can make up for the things I’ve done to people… done to you. And I deserve your hate. I deserve it.” He let out a sudden heaving shudder into his hand. It was all crashing down on him now, all the emotions he’d been too stubborn to let himself feel. His chest was constricting, the pain of all the years he spent hurting people that cared for him pulsing and thrashing in his heart.

“Ok, ok, Ben, take some deep breaths,” he heard Rey say as he leaned over, struggling to get air. “Just breathe, it’s ok. You’re ok.”

He did his best to match his breathing to her soothing tone as she offered calming phrases over the phone. He didn’t deserve her kindness, but he took it anyway, like the selfish bastard he was. He closed his eyes, and tried to center himself.

“Hey, ok” she said, once his breaths had slowed, “I can tell you’re hurting too…”

“But I deserve it.”

She didn’t deny it.

“I think we both have a lot of thinking to do, Ben.”

He closed his eyes in agony, her words cutting new wounds into his soul. She was leaving him.

“Ben?”

“Yeah,” he answered. “I’m sorry,” he added pathetically. 

“I know,” she said. “Ben, I want to ask you something.”

“Anything,” he replied automatically.

“It sounds like you need a friend. Is that why you lied to me?”

Ben had never thought of it that way before. Initially, he hadn’t wanted to be recognized while on vacation, he never would have had a moment to himself. But after getting to know Rey, that he could trust her, why didn’t he tell her?

“I’m not sure,” he said honestly.

“I think it might be,” she said sadly, and with a twinge of uncertainty. “I had thought you had lied just to use me, but I don’t think that anymore. It doesn’t sound like this was about me. It’s about you. I think you need a friend. Someone who doesn’t care about what you do while you’re competing or in the spotlight, and can forgive what you’ve done in the past.”

Ben couldn’t think of a single person outside of his parents who matched that description.

“I can’t be that only person, Ben. I can’t be the only person who knows you and cares about you, it’s not healthy,” she said more confidently.

Ben didn’t know what to say. He’d never been told anything like that before. Apparently, Rey was able to figure him out in a week, half of which was spent lying to her. 

“Yeah, maybe that’s right,” he said, still processing what she was saying.

“I’m still mad at you,” she said.

“I know.”

Another pregnant pause filled the connection. Ben heard Rey shift her phone to her other ear.

“But I think you need all the real friends you can get right now. So I’m going to be there for you. I know what it’s like to be alone, and even you don’t deserve that,” she said quietly, her voice laced with ancient pain.

Ben bit his lip to keep himself from babbling out another apology.

“But Ben?”

“Yes,” he said.

“For the record, this makes me about one thousand times better than you. So you have a lot of catching up to do. But it’s ok to take a bunch of second chances to catch up.”

Ben pondered her words, not believing that she thought he was worthy of second, or rather millionth, chances. 

“I won’t hurt you again,” he said seriously.

“I hope you’re right.”

He winced again, letting the pain punch him in the chest.

“So, are we friends now?” he asked solemnly. He would take whatever bit of her he could get.

“What do you want to be, Ben?” she asked, the confidence stripped from her voice again.

“ _Rey_ ,” he said desperately, “I want you. I want what we had.”

Each passing second of the following silence ticked away at his heart. It was too much to ask of her.

“I want that too,” she finally said, “but things are different now.”

“Yeah,” he agreed. She was right. He didn’t deserve her.

“Will you wait for me, Ben?”

“Wait for you?” he asked in a higher pitch, his mind suddenly racing with curiosity.

“Yeah… I need more time… and I… I can’t trust you yet. But I still want you. Do you think you could wait for me?” she asked timidly.

“Of course,” he answered hurriedly, “whatever you want.”

“I miss you,” she adds, sending a chill down Ben’s spine.

“I miss you too,” he said, every fiber in his body curling with longing to hold her.

“And I’ve never… God, how do I say this…” she said in a lighter tone, “I don’t think I’ve ever missed having sex with someone this much, and it’s barely been one day,” she said with a chuckle.

Ben laughed through his remaining tears, wiping them on the back of his sleeve.

“I can’t stop thinking about you,” he admitted.

“Hm,” she responded, “we’re a mess, huh?”

“I am,” he answered, “you’re not.”

“That’s another mistake, Ben Solo,” she said, emphasizing his real name, “assuming that I’m better than you.”

He considered it, not convinced by her words.

“You’d be appalled by the things I want to do to you,” she said in a low voice, somewhat muffled as if she had pressed her mouth closer to the phone.

_Oh._

Sex was so far down on his mental list after everything that had happened that he wasn’t ready for her sudden change in tone.

“Rey...” he whined.

“Anyway,” she said in a clear, conversational voice, as if the last 10 seconds hadn’t even occurred. She’d kill him one day. “I need to get some sleep, I’m headed out of here early in the morning. I’ll call you tomorrow after my flight. It should be morning by then over there.”

“I’ll answer,” he said, still amazed she was even speaking to him.

“Oh, Rey?” he said suddenly in a panic.

“Yeah?”

He let out a deep breath.

“I’m really sorry about this,” he said, cringing at the revelation, “but I think people know where we were staying now, so some people might approach you or something. Or the hotel staff might say something. I doubt people will be looking for you outside the hotel since I’m back in the US now, but I just wanted to warn you just in case. And I’m sorry. Really, really sorry.”

“I can handle them,” she said sternly.

“I’m sorry.”

Another sigh from her end.

“I know.”

“You’ll call me tomorrow?”

“Yeah,” she said. “I’m still hurt, Ben, but I’ll call you.”

“Thank you,” he whispered.

“Bye, Ben.”

“Bye, Rey.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, that was painful, but we got there. This got waaaay more emotionally tense than I thought this fic was going to get lol.  
> A few things:  
> 1\. Rey is like, Yoda-level wise, right?  
> 2\. Evidence #58449 that Rey is way more adult than Kylo.  
> 3\. Where do you all think they're going to go from here? Will Rey be able to forgive him? What is Ben going to do now?  
> 4\. Thank you all for the kind and generous support. I love this community. I spend a lot of time at home alone with chronic pain and a host of medical issues, and your comments are always brighten my day. Sending you virtual hugs.


	13. Across the World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey calls Ben back once she's home, and they discuss what he'll do now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some more terminology:  
> ski in/ski out- this refers to a home or a condo that you can literally ski in or ski out of and access the mountain/resort.  
> snowboard cross, cross racing- a snowboarding event where multiple boarders race down a course simultaneously (similar to motorcross, just on snowboards)

Rey let Poe and Finn comfort her as she recounted everything that happened between her and Ben on the drive to their flat after they picked her up from the train station. At first they were shocked, then angry, then consoling. Poe made them dinner as Finn cuddled with her on the couch, wrapping his arm around her. 

“So you’re really going to forgive him? That doesn’t sound like you,” he said.

“I know,” she responded, “it’s not. But I believe him. It’s like I can… see into his mind or something. I can’t explain it. But I haven’t forgiven him quite yet, I think it will be a while before I trust him again.”

“I still can’t believe you didn’t recognize him!” Poe shouted from the kitchen. “Sorry!” he added, poking his head out toward the living room.

“It’s ok,” Rey said, “I probably should have. I don’t know, I don’t keep up with snowboarding. And I’m not American like you guys.”

“That’s true,” Finn said. “He’s a big deal in the US. And he’s pretty distinct looking, that’s the only reason I would probably recognize him.”

Rey groaned into her hands. “He’s beautiful…”

Poe and Finn laughed at her exasperation.

“I have never seen you like this!” Poe said before ducking back into the kitchen. “You’re normally a tap it and trash it kind of girl.”

“It’s so weird!” she said, “I feel like a fish out of water.”

“Sounds like someone is in _looove_ ,” Finn sang suggestively, waggling his eyebrows.

Rey smacked away his arm.

“Stop it. No I’m not.”

“Say that without covering your face with your hands.”

She removed her hands to look him in the eye.

“I’m not,” she said firmly.

“You’re blushing!”

“Am not!” she shouted, standing up.

“Sure, ok, you’re not,” Finn said with a wink.

“Screw you. I’ll be in my room. I told Ben I’d call him.”

“ _Ben_ , I don’t know if I can get used to that,” Poe said as he stepped out of the kitchen again and leaned on the doorframe. “He looks more like a Kylo to me.”

“Well,” Rey said darkly, “you don’t know him. Trust me, he’s a Ben.”

Poe and Finn shot each other concerned glances as Rey walked into her room and shut the door.

She leaned against her closed bedroom door and pulled out her phone from her pocket. She was anxious to call him- nervous, excited, hopeful, scared. She still didn’t really know where they stood. She had no idea when she would seem him next. Was she crazy for giving him another chance? She really didn’t know how much more her heart could handle. 

But she also knew that some people needed help. Finn and Poe had spent years helping her acclimate to living a normal, social life. They’d spent countless hours cracking her hard shell, bit by bit. Surely she could pay it forward and at least let Ben talk things out with her as he figured himself out. She knew it was dangerous to put her heart on the line, but she was tired of shutting people out. There was something between them, something she couldn’t deny. It had only taken her a week to feel it, and that had to _mean_ something.

 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Ben was sitting at home, waiting for Rey to call. He tried distracting himself- cleaning the non-existent messes in his house, doing some meal prep for the busy week of training ahead of him, but nothing calmed his nerves. He wasn’t sure whether to be excited to speak to her again or nervous about what she might say. She’d been dead tired on the phone the day before, could she have changed her mind about giving him a second chance once she was fully awake? 

He had just returned from a morning meeting with his agent, Snoke. He had _not_ been pleased with his ‘distraction’, as he called it. 

“There’s a reason I’ve kept you on a strict, regulated dating circuit,” he had said. “Relationships weigh athletes down. Takes away their drive. Besides, she’s not nearly well-known enough for you to waste your time with her. I’ll find another girl for you by the end of the month. Something casual.”

Ben remembered clenching his fists at Snoke’s words. Rey wasn’t a distraction, she was a muse. If anything, he’d felt more impassioned about snowboarding during the one week he’d spent with her than he had in years. And he didn’t want something casual. He wanted Rey. And there was nothing casual about the way he felt about her. Before, he would have laughed it off if someone had told him that he’d care so much about someone after spending only a week with them, but here he was. Desperately wanting Rey, desperately wanting a start fresh- somewhere away from Snoke, away from competition.

He stared out of the window of his ski in-ski out condo, imagining himself out in the snow with Rey. Not even riding, maybe just snowshoeing or building a snowman. He’d never made one before, but he figured he’d enjoy it if he did it with Rey. His happy daydream was interrupted by the sound of his phone ringing in the kitchen. He practically ran to it.

_**Rey Sands** _

“Hello?”

“Hi, it’s me,” he heard her wonderful voice say. He’d never get over her posh accent.

“Hi. Did you make it home safely?” he asked.

“Yeah, just got home a few minutes ago.”

“You called.”

There was a pause before she responded.

“Of course I called. I told you I would,” she said sternly.

“I know… I was just… I don’t know.”

Silence.

“Don’t make me out to be the bad guy here, Ben. Even if you’ve got abandonment issues or whatever, I’ve done nothing but stand by you during this.”

“I know,” he said quickly, “I’m sorry- I didn’t mean to insinuate that you haven’t. I just… I was worried that you might realize I’m not worth it after all.”

“It’s ok,” she said more softly. “Sorry for snapping at you. I think I’m a bit tired, long travel day.”

“Are you glad to be home?”

“Yeah, I am. I missed Finn and Poe over the holidays.”

“Your roomates, right?” he asked.

“Yup. They’re big fans of yours. Or at least know who you are. They can’t believe I didn’t recognize you.”

Ben chuckled, leaning against the kitchen countertop. “I was glad you didn’t.”

“Really, why?”

“Well,” he said slowly, “I guess like I said yesterday- I didn’t have to act any certain way with you, I could just get to know you like a normal person.”

“So you’re saying you don’t do that often?”

“Never,” he answered.

“That’s depressing,” she said, worry seeping into her voice.

“Yeah, I guess it is.”

He heard her distressed sigh that he became familiar with during their phone call yesterday.

“Is everything ok with your agent?” she asked.

Ben froze. He didn’t want to talk about what had happened with Snoke. He had been too cowardly to say anything during their meeting. He let him verbally abuse him for well over an hour, and kept his mouth shut the whole time. As usual. He’d left the meeting with a migraine, and the return of the perpetual pissed off mood he always carried with him when he left his office.

“Ben?” Rey asked again.

“It wasn’t… good,” he said weakly.

“Why? Did he not like the photos or articles or something?”

“That’s putting it mildly.”

“ _Ben_ ,” she groaned, “why do you put up with him? It sounds like he’s horrible to you.”

Ben unconsciously clenched his fist.

“He always led me down the right path in terms of my career. It was shitty, but he pulled in a ton of sponsorships, the best techies, the best coaches. And he’s just always sort of… had his claws in me since then.”

“Ok…” Rey said hesitantly, “but what about what you said about wanting to quit when we were in Switzerland? Is that still true?”

Ben paused. He had said that when he was thousands of miles away from Snoke. When she didn’t really know what he was talking about. When no one could hear him say it out loud. Now, down the road from First Order Sports, in the house he trained in during the winter, it was different. It was like the walls were listening.

“Yes,” he admitted quietly, before he could hold it back.

Rey gave him a moment before speaking again.

“Ok. Ok, Ben. Maybe that’s all you deal with for now, for today. Really figuring out how you feel about competing or staying with your agency. Don’t let me influence you, but don’t let Snoke do it either. Maybe you should just think on it for a while.”

“Yeah…” he said weakly. “Yeah.”

“Is there anyone else you could talk to about it?”

There was. But it was the last person he’d want to call. He paced into his living room, choosing his words carefully.

“Yes…” he said, “but I don’t know if I can.”

“What do you mean?” Rey asked innocently.

“It’s… my mother.”

“Oh,” she said in a meek tone over the phone. He had told her all about his parents. How they’d neglected him as a kid. How he’d basically abandoned them out of spite. How they’d tried to convince him not to sign with Snoke, and to break his contract after he did. How he’d recently reunited with them, but how things were still tense, and painfully uncomfortable. He occasionally spoke to his mother, but avoided speaking with his father like the plague.

“I’ve also got a boarder friend I trust. I know she at least wouldn’t tell anybody. Not sure if she could be unbiased or not though, she trains at the same place I do.”

“What’s her name?”

“Phasma Captain.”

“Hey, I know of her. She’s a cross racer, right?”

“You know of Phasma but not me?” he asked, laughing.

“Well, she’s a woman!” Rey exclaimed with a giggle. “I’ve gotta support other female athletes!”

“Understandable,” he said with a smile.

“You should talk with her.”

“Yeah,” he agreed, “I should.” He’d always liked Phasma, she was the closest thing to a real friend he had. Hux was more like a frenemy, despite them not even competing in the same event. But Phasma was actually nice, and he trusted her with not sharing any private information about him with anyone.

“Good. I miss you... I wish I could give you a big hug right now.”

“I’d like that,” he said. “Even though I’m not a big hugger.”

“Oh please,” she said boisterously, “you were the one to cuddle me every night. You practically smothered me.”

“That’s _cuddling_ ,” he argued. “Not hugging. I never said anything about cuddling.”

“Whatever, you weirdo.”

“You’re the weird one.”

“Nice comeback.”

“Don’t make me fly to Austria and throw a snowball at your face.”

“Is that a threat?”

“Maybe.”

“Maybe I should keep insulting you then,” she quipped, her voice a bit deeper than before.

Ben felt his cheeks warm. She was always testing him with her forwardness, beginning games of flirtation chicken.

“As if your insults are actually clever,” he said in return.

“You love my insults.”

Ben laughed. A random guy had inappropriately hit on her when they’d been stuck with him on a chairlift, and her… _colorful_ insults at him had Ben nearly crying from laughing on the other side of the chair.

“That’s true,” he said fondly.

“Ugh, you’re no fun. You always cave first,” she said, but he heard a grin in her tone.

“One of us has to.”

“At least you last pretty long when it counts,” she said, playful mischief behind her voice.

“Thanks, I guess?” he said, actually pretty flattered. A brief memory of Rey thrashing under him sent blood straight to his cock.

“What are you wearing?” he asked.

“Well, what I wore on the plane- jeans, long sleeve thermal… _oh_ ,” she said, suddenly realizing what he was asking. “ _Oh._ ”

“Go on,” he encouraged her.

“I’m…” she said timidly. “I’m not wearing anything sexy…” she continued.

Was she nervous? She was usually so forward… Ben hadn’t meant to make her uncomfortable. He figured she’d be the one to make _him_ nervous, if anything.

“Rey, I-”

“Did you want me to continue or not?” she asked, her typical bold tone returning.

“Of course,” he said, grinning. “Proceed.”

“I’m taking off my shirt. It’s cold in here though, you can see my nipples through my bra.”

Ben’s hand made his way down to his pants, palming himself a bit to reposition himself as his dick began to push against the fabric.

“Mmm, they’re warm though,” she said, leaving Ben to imagine her holding one of her own breasts.

“I think I need to take the bra off,” she continued, “it’s been holding them _all day_ , and I think it’s done enough. Maybe I should just take it off.”

“Yes,” he agreed, fumbling with the button on his jeans.

“ _Rey! Dinner!_ ” he heard in the background of her phonecall.

“Shit,” she said quickly. “Poe has dinner ready. I shouldn’t keep them waiting. It’s already late as it is.”

“No...” he said pathetically, his pants still fully on but his dick almost at full attention.

“I’m sorry! We’ll talk tomorrow, yeah?”

“Yeah,” he sighed.

“Sorry!” she repeated. 

“It’s ok,” he assured her, although his cock thought otherwise.

“Bye.”

“Bye.”

Ben sighed as he hung up the phone. He looked down at himself, slightly agitated but also slightly amused that she’d worked him up before 11am and left him to deal with it alone for the rest of the day.


	14. Press

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Ben struggle with reconciling their relationship over the long distance. Then, something happens that could break their fragile peace.

Rey had a regular schedule again. Wake up, train, call Ben, sleep. Although she was glad to be consistently training again, what with her next race coming up in a few weeks, she couldn’t help but miss an old part of her regular routine, the one she’d had in Switzerland. She missed the part where she would fall asleep in Ben’s arms. His voice each evening was comforting. His deep murmerings soothed her heart, but excited the heat deep within her core. It was hard hearing him without being near him, without him inside of her.

She took out her frustration on the mountain, pushing herself physically and mentally in her preparation for the next FIS World Cup event she’d be attending not too far from her home peak in Austria. She imagined him riding next to her, encouraging her. He’d expressed an enthusiastic interest in her training during their phone calls. But when she asked him about his own training, he tended to shut down. She could tell that his heart wasn’t in it. On top of the world in his event, but devastatingly unhappy. Her heart ached for him. She didn’t want to make any decisions for him, but it was hard to resist telling him to quit. She knew that he was still opening up to her, that she didn’t fully know all of the details surrounding his complicated relationship with his agency and with his love for the sport.

“I miss you,” Ben said to her one night over the phone.

“It’s only been a week and a half,” she responded.

“A week and a half too long.”

Rey sighed, hesitant to admit he was right. She missed him desperately. It was so hard to admit to herself how she felt about him after he had hurt her so. She wanted to tread carefully, but her heart was pulling her toward him with no signs of slowing.

“I’m meeting up with Phasma tomorrow. I’m going to talk to her,” he said, interrupting her thoughts.

“Good, Ben. Good. Maybe she’ll be able to provide some additional perspective on things.”

“I hope so.”

“Are you planning to finish out the season?” she asked.

“I… don’t know,” he answered, a deep sadness ringing in his voice. “It’s looking like it.”

“Mm.”

“Rey?”

“Yes?”

“When can I see you?” he asked quietly, hope cracking through his voice.

Rey closed her eyes. She wanted so desperately to see him, but also couldn’t stand to cave and forgive him so quickly and reveal how she really felt. She was worth more than that, no matter her humble beginnings.

“I don’t know,” she whispered. “Didn’t you say you’d be in Europe in a month?”

“Yes,” he answered. “But a month is so long.”

“Well, I can’t leave my training. I’ve got a circuit race in a few weeks.”

She heard him sigh heavily through the phone.

“I’ve got a competition soon too, Snoke would never let me leave” he said darkly.

“Sounds like we’re stuck,” Rey said sadly, trying to mask the heartbreak in her voice.

 

Later that night, Rey found herself unable to sleep. She shuffled over to her desk and flicked on the lamp, squinting as her eyes adjusted to the light. She took a seat and slowly opened her laptop, hovering her mouse over the browser icon for a minute before double clicking, opening a page. After another minute, she found herself on the airline’s website, searching for flights to Colorado.

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“I see what you’re saying,” Phasma said to Ben as they sipped on their coffee at her condo the next afternoon.

“I don’t know what to do, Phas.”

“Well,” she said, cocking her head to the side in thought, “no matter what, this won’t be easy. Snoke won’t let you go without a fight. Not while you’re still winning.”

“I know. I used to think he did things that were in my best interest, but now I know the game he’s been playing. He has too much on me.”

“Like what?” Phasma asked.

“My reputation,” he answered, “my contacts in the industry. He could probably destroy me from a that perspective before I ever even got a chance to start my own business. Plus he could probably leak all sorts of stuff to the press, whatever he wants.”

“You have quite a bit of money, you don’t need his connections to start a business. You’ll be popular because of your image as a former athlete. And as far as the press goes- isn’t that what defamation lawsuits are for? If he tries to spread anything false about you?”

“Maybe,” he said, hanging his head, “to be honest, I’m not even sure what my non-disclosure agreement and my contract with the agency allows me to do. Probably can’t sue them.”

“You need a lawyer.”

“Yeah.”

“You know, I can think of a lawyer who’d be on your side.”

“Phas,” he said warningly, looking back up at her, “no.”

“Why not? She’s your own mother! I’m sure she’d do everything she could to protect you.”

“It’s… still complicated,” he answered tensely. He had to admit, it was a good idea. At least it was a guarantee that she wouldn’t cheat him somehow, that she’d be on his side. And she was quite a successful lawyer for all sorts of politicians- she knew how to deal with dirty businessmen. But he wasn’t ready to ask for her help.

“Well,” Phasma said as she headed into the kitchen for more coffee, “you’ll need someone.”

Ben looked out the window, pondering his options. Everything was so complicated. Snoke. His mother. Rey. Each one of them had a hold on him. To an outsider, it would be hard to tell whose hold was the strongest. But he knew. He knew deep down that it was Rey. She was the one who would change the course of his life. For the better.

Phasma quickly came stomping back into the room. Ben looked back at her only to see a shocked expression on her face, which was even more pale than it’s normal alabaster. 

“Kylo,” she said, staring at her phone in her hands.

“What?” he said nervously.

“It’s… I think he’s gone to the press about Rey.”

“WHAT!?” Ben shouted, bolting out of his seat and grabbing her phone out of her hand. Sure enough, she had an article pulled up from InTouch Weekly, which featured a photo of him and Rey and the title:  
‘ _Kylo Ren splits up with skier girlfriend, moves on with model_ ’  
followed by several paragraphs of text. Ben’s grasp on Phasma’s phone was so tight that it was a surprise it didn’t shatter from the sheer force. His jaw dropped at what he found in the article.

‘Kylo Ren has split with his girlfriend Rey Sands after their romantic Christmas getaway, an insider from Ren’s agency First Order Sports has informed us.’

‘Rumors are circulating that ski racer Sands used Ren to boost her visibility as she rises through the competitive alpine skiing world circuit.’

‘The same source has also reported that Ren has recently been seen out to dinner with the French model Caroline Magnatié. It appears as though Ren is moving on quickly from the split.’

“ _What. The. Fuck._ ” Ben spit out, unable to pull his eyes from the screen.

Phasma placed a hand on his arm, attempting to calm him.

“Kylo,” she said, “take a breath. It looks like you’re about to explode.”

“You’re damn right I am,” he said angrily, practically throwing her phone back at her. He wrenched his arm away and fell back into the armchair, trying to keep himself from destroying anything in Phasma’s condo. His fists shook with rage. This was bad. Much worse than the first time. And this time, Snoke had done this to him. _Purposefully._

“This is fucked up,” Phasma said, her brows furrowed. “I can’t believe Snoke did this to you. I know how much you care about Rey.”

Ben closed his eyes, his pulse pounding painfully though his head.

“Apparently, so did he,” he answered darkly.

 

After letting Phasma calm him a bit, he drove back to his house. He finally snatched his phone from his pocket and called Rey. He didn’t care what hour it was in Austria, he needed to speak with her.

He listened to each ring tensely, waiting for the one she’d pick up. No answer. He hung up, unwilling to listen to her voice on her voicemail message. He called again, each ring lasting longer than the previous. No answer.


	15. Front Door

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben receives an unexpected visitor at his home.

Ben spent the next few hours alternating between sulking in front of the fireplace and calling Rey. He felt… broken. He should have been coming up with a plan to deal with Snoke, to assure Rey of his feelings for her. Instead, his mind wound its way in circles, not letting him form a clear thought. The only thing that he kept coming back to was that _he_ had let Snoke get this far. Over the past ten years, he could have done something. He’d been easily influenced as a young athlete, but there was no excuse for why over the years he hadn’t broken his contract, why he had let Snoke ruin his personal life as a cost for his professional success. It was all too clear now the years he had wasted under his guidance. Three years ago, something like this wouldn’t have bothered him. But now he had Rey, now he had a new relationship with his parents, which he was now glad he had kept a secret from Snoke. He hadn’t had anything he cared about before. Now, everything was different.

He looked back at his phone. Why wouldn’t Rey answer his calls? Had he finally run out of chances with her? Granted, it was the middle of the night in Austria, she was probably just asleep. He remembered the way she slept- tightly curled around herself, as if protecting her most vulnerable places. He’d pulled her into his body as often as he could, trying to show her that he would protect her. How well that had gone.

His scalp was starting to hurt with how hard he was pulling at his hair. How was he going to deal with Snoke? He’d never had the courage to fight him before. He was a coward in his presence. His father would be ashamed at the way he let Snoke treat him. Han never let anyone treat him poorly. Great, now he was thinking about his father. This day was going from bad to worse.

Ben’s head whipped around when he heard a knock on his front door. Surely it couldn’t be Snoke- he almost never made personal trips to his home. It was likely Phasma, checking on him after he’d stormed off earlier. He peeled himself out of his chair after deciding against pretending to not be home. All of the lights in his house were on, so he likely wouldn’t fool anybody.

He braced himself for a cold breeze upon opening the door, but nothing could have braced him for what really stood behind it. With a bag in her hand, her phone in the other, and a pale, sickened expression on her face, was Rey.

“Rey?!” he asked, at first convinced he was imagining her.

“Ben,” she said tersely. She made no move to come inside. Ben noticed the phone in her hand. It was on, and she was holding it as if she had just been reading it. He looked back to her face. He saw a multitude behind her eyes- pain, anger, confusion. _Shit_.

“How did you… when did you…” he stuttered, completely taken back by the scenario.

“I wanted to surprise you,” she said more softly, with hurt cracking her voice. He looked at her bag, with the airline luggage sticker still on it.

“Please, come in,” he finally said, coming to his senses.

But she didn’t move. She stood there, staring at him. She wouldn’t even put down her duffel bag.

“I don’t know if I want to,” she said coldly.

So she _had_ seen already.

“Rey,” Ben said pleadingly, “it’s not true. Please believe me. It’s not true.”

He was not expecting her reaction.

“I know that, Ben!” she yelled, finally dropping her bag.

“You think I don’t trust you? Is that it?” she shouted angrily.

“What? No…” he said, trying to make sense of what was happening. “I thought you were mad about…”

“You told me you’d wait. And I believe you.”

“Then why are you being like this?”

Rey laughed, but not her sweet, usual laugh. This laugh was sinister, and mocking. 

“Why am I being like this?” she repeated. “Because you let him use me! After I told you how much it hurt me the first time!”

Ben gaped, unable to come up with words. It took him a moment for him to realize that she was referring to Snoke.

“I didn’t do this, Rey! He… he must have just… done this to get back at me!” he argued. Surely she must understand that he would never do this to her.

“And you _let_ him,” she said, pushing her finger into his chest. He took the opportunity to grab her hand, not letting go when she tried to pull it away.

“I can’t control what he does, Rey. This is part of my career. He manages my public image.”

“How dare you pretend like you have no say in this,” Rey’s voice lowered dangerously. She brought her face closer to his. “I’ve tried to be understanding, Ben. But I can’t sit by while you let him manipulate you, and hurt me in the process. Not while you sit there, unwilling to fight for us or yourself.”

Ben wanted to kiss her. He could smell her now that she was close, he hadn’t even thought that her scent would be a familiar to comfort to him. But she would probably not react well to being kissed at the moment.

He reluctantly dropped her hand.

“Please come in, Rey,” he finally said, dropping his head. His voice sounded pathetic.

She paused, seemingly taken back by his halt on the argument. He saw her close her eyes for a moment before reaching down for her bag and stomping past him.

“Fine,” she said, “but only because I really need to use the loo.”

He closed the door behind her, his insides twisted with the anticipation of having her so near, but also the agony of the wall now built between them.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rey looked at herself in Ben’s bathroom mirror. She looked tired, and worn down. This was not how she imagined herself arriving at Ben’s door during her last-minute flight to the U.S. She had imagined that she would arrive with a smile, that he would be shocked to find her at his front door. That he would sweep her into his arms and they would make love all night.

She had been ready to forgive him. Far sooner than he deserved. She’d taken another leap of faith. She’d put herself on the line, again. And been hurt, again. How could she be so stupid? He was never going to choose her over Snoke. He didn’t even like his career, but apparently he’d still put it first. Maybe she was an idiot for expecting otherwise. She would never sacrifice her racing career for a man. But she wasn’t asking him to give up his career, she was asking him to protect her from his evil agent. That was it. Surely that wasn’t too much to ask. She didn’t care what he did with his career. As long as it didn’t come between the two of them as it already had. And both times, Snoke was to blame. The first time, it was because Snoke had worn down Ben’s self-esteem and confidence so much that he felt compelled to lie, to hide the version of himself that his agent had built. The second was more direct.

What would she do when she left the bathroom? Leave? There was nothing he could say that would fix what had happened. She wanted to leave, but her body didn’t. Not when she’d seen him in a tight thermal standing in the doorway. Her hormones were not on her side. They wanted him, badly, and were trying to convince her brain to hear him out. She splashed cold water on her face, trying to prepare herself to face him. She’d come all the way here. Could she really just walk out? Her anger wanted her to. Never before had she let someone screw her over twice. Especially someone who claimed to care about her.

She gave herself one last glance before stepping out. She took a deep breath as she made her way down the hallway and back into the living area. Ben was still standing there, waiting for her, now waiting for her to speak. He looked like a sad puppy, like someone had kicked him while he was down. She saw the defeat etched into his features. It made her pity him, but she had to make sure he knew what he had done.

“Ben,” she said, softer than she had hoped.

He took three quick, long strides to stand in front of her. Too close for comfort. She took a step back, trying not to wince at the look of hurt on his face as she did so.

“I can’t do this,” she said, trying to stay firm. “I can’t keep caring about you and supporting you while you do nothing about Snoke.”

He looked into her eyes, which at the moment were trying to hold back tears.

“I know,” he said sadly, looking back down, folding his arms across himself. It was a stance she knew well, as Finn and Poe had once brought to her attention how often she did it. It was self-defensive- a stance that the truly broken took. She hated seeing it on him. He had every reason to stand tall, except for how he’d let Snoke treat him, and her.

She reached out slowly, watching his face as she brought her hand to his arm. She nearly gasped at the first contact. He was as warm as she remembered. She didn’t know why she was doing it. She wanted to be done with him. But the pull between them that they’d discovered in Switzerland was undeniable, and it was hard to ignore their bond.

She let her hand wander up his arm and onto his shoulder, stepping toward him to allow her to do so. He looked back up at her, surprise in his expression. He reached up to his shoulder to hold her hand there, squeezing gently. He kept it there, seeming to cherish that small bit of contact.

“I don’t know why I’m letting you hurt me,” she whispered, leaning in toward his chest.

He unfolded his arms to catch her and bring her into him, wrapping her in a long-awaited embraced.

“I’m sorry,” he said deeply, and she felt the sincerity shaking in his chest against her cheek. 

They stood their for a while, letting their heartbeats sync.

Finally, Rey peeled herself off at him, nearly shivering at the loss of warmth.

“I should go,” she choked out, wringing her hands together.

“Rey, no…” Ben pleaded desperately, his hands still on her shoulders.

“How can I stay?”

“You know I can’t control this…” he said.

Was he _really_ still arguing that? It was like Snoke had brainwashed him.

“Are you kidding me, Ben Solo?” she said more forcefully, pulling herself away from him.

Ben looked at her in confusion.

“I told you how things are, how complicated everything is,” he said, his voice raising, “you can’t expect me to change things overnight!”

“I don’t expect you to!” she yelled back at him. “I only expect you to not treat me like dirt, or like one of your whores who’s just in it for a headline!”

Ben turned away, looking like he’d been slapped. Rey felt bad the moment the words had left her mouth, but her anger stood strong.

“You say you care about me, but so far I’m the only one who has tried to make this work!” she continued.

A sudden realization came over her. She took a step back.

“Oh my god,” she said quietly.

“What?” Ben asked, concern washing over him.

“I’m such an idiot,” she whispered.

“No. What?”

“You don’t actually care… this whole time I… I’m so stupid,” she said, embarrassed at how she could have been so blind. She’d let her heart run away with the idea of them being together. But he wasn’t the relationship type. He’d told her that himself. And here she stood, in his house after impulsively booking a plane ticket to see him.

“No,” Ben said fiercely, regaining her attention. He stepped toward her and grasped her shoulders.

“I’ve never wanted to be with someone the way I want to be with you,” he said, with a touch of anger in his voice.

“You’re doing a great job of showing it,” she said coldly, shrugging her shoulders out of his hands.

She saw a flame light behind his eyes, and before she could react, Ben grabbed her face in his hands and kissed her passionately. Fireworks exploded in her brain, her lips savoring the feel of his. She’d forgotten what it was like, kissing him.

She wanted to push him off, to tell him that physical attraction wasn’t enough for her, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. Not when his hands were so warm and sure, not when his thumbs were stroking her cheeks. She’d been craving his touch for too long.

She let him lead her backward and push her against the wall, finally bringing his body against hers. The hard definition of all of his muscular planes made her core throb. She finally brought her hands up to tangle themselves in his hair, using the leverage to take control of the kiss. She wanted this, despite how hurt she was, despite the fact that she cared more than him. He groaned at her aggression, and before she knew it, he was taking his hands off of her face to lift her up bridal-style, somehow managing to not break their kiss. He carried her out of the living area, down a hallway, and to what she assumed was his bedroom. He practically dropped her onto his bed in his hurry, and immediately fell on top of her, smothering her with his body. Reluctantly, she realized that she had missed the heavy weight of him. 

Rey felt his hands begin to fumble with her clothes. She slapped them off, determined to keep her control. She pushed him off of her hard enough to get him to roll over onto her side. She stripped herself of her clothes quickly, desperate to do something about the tension building below her stomach. Ben watched her for a moment, seemingly transfixed. She gave him a glare, silently commanding him to take his own clothes off. Control, she had to maintain control.

After relieving themselves of their layers, Rey pulled Ben back on top of her. She grabbed his hair to drag his full lips to her throat, desperate to feel his teeth score her skin and his tongue soothe the marks. He willingly obliged, peppering small kisses before settling at her pulse point and sucking on it. She felt his hips start to gently roll against hers, and the combined stimulation of his mouth on her neck and the thick length of him hardening against her was making her wet, positively dripping down her thighs. She couldn’t hold back a whimper, cursing herself for sounding so vulnerable underneath him.

He continued to show attention to her throat, then her collarbone, then her breasts. His tongue against her nipple made her back arch, exposing her neck and chest to him even more. Her plan for total dominance was quickly deteriorating. 

“Rey,” Ben moaned against her skin. The sound of his voice trembling against her sternum made her gasp wantonly. She clawed at his back, and couldn’t get enough of the feeling of him under her fingertips. Her mind went blissfully blank as he continued to nip at her chest and suck on her breasts. His strong hands made their way down her ribs, his head lowering with them. He gently kissed her navel, nuzzling his nose into her belly button. It was such a simple act, but heartbreakingly sweet. He gripped her hips as he descended, biting at her hipbones. Her mind finally caught up with his actions, and she quickly sat up with the shock.

“Ben,” she said warningly. She had denied him many times when they were in Switzerland. She _wanted_ him to pleasure her with his mouth, but it was the last thing she had protected. A way for her to maintain control. It was so intimate, the thought of being completely exposed to a man that way. She’d kept it from him, desperate to keep a bit of herself hidden away, just in case. Just in case he left her.

He was looking up at her with reverence and determination. His soulful eyes pierced her own, and Rey felt her heart flutter. She wanted nothing more than to share herself with him- her grasp on self-preservation was slipping.

“Please,” he whispered, “please let me show you.”

He didn’t need to explain what he wanted to show her, she knew what he was implying. His eyes told her everything, and his expression made her feel something she’d never felt before- worshipped. It sent a thrum through her chest, all the way down to her core, shredding any last chance of pushing him off. She nodded at him slowly, hoping that she wasn’t making a mistake. 

A corner of his mouth lifted by a micrometer, just enough for Rey to notice. She couldn’t tell if it was smugness or genuine joy. But it quickly disappeared as his serious expression returned, reassuring her that he would take it seriously. He must know by now how much it meant to her, to let him go down on her.

Ben gently kissed her navel again, pecking his way down her hips and pelvis, and positioned his head in between her thighs. She could already feel his hot breath on her folds, and the sensation sent shivers down her spine, forcing her to lay back down on the bed and close her eyes.

“Relax,” she heard him murmur. He was rubbing circles into her hipbones with his thumbs, clearly trying to calm her. Her heart ached with care for him. He was wild, untamed, but when it was just the two of them, when she was exposing herself to him completely, he was gentle.

She felt the tips of his long hair tickle the tops of her thighs as she felt his lips graze over the inner portions of them. Occasionally, he’d skim his tongue over the soft flesh. She could only imagine how wet she was, and she suddenly realized that he was tasting her moistness that had already trickled down her thighs. It made her shudder. She shifted her thighs, anxious for him to move up into her and relieve the tension building there. As nervous as she was, she had already committed mentally, and knew she wouldn’t be satisfied until he made good on his promise.

He started slowly, running his tongue on the outside of her folds. The feeling made her squirm. It was driving her crazy, but only left her wanting more. Soon, he nudged at her entrance with his nose, and she gasped at the new feeling. His tongue made its way up, searching for her clit. A sharp jab with his tongue made Rey’s hips pop up in surprise. She muttered an apology, but Ben simply rested his hands across her torso to keep her hips down, giving her another reassuring kiss on her inner thigh. He went back to work, finding every sweet spot with his tongue, every spot that made her breath hitch. His plush lips and wicked tongue were too good, bringing Rey to the edge far quicker than she had imagined. As her core tightened, she could only imagine how hard he must have been getting. She understood now what it meant between them. That he would take his time with her, finding every little thing that set her on fire, with no concern for himself. That was what he had pleaded with her to let him show her. 

Rey opened her eyes and blinked down at him. She found her hand was tangled in his hair, when had that gotten there? She saw that his eyes were closed, and that he was completely focused on his task. It made her cunt throb to see him between her legs like that. All of the sensations he was giving her were building, escalating, and beginning to shake her. She closed her eyes again, seeing stars behind her eyelids. Ben used every little whimper and moan that escaped her to teach him where to pleasure her, where to drive her insane. She couldn’t hold back any longer, not when he was stimulating her in all the right places and holding her so devotedly. Suddenly and all at once, lightning flashed above her, and her body exploded in euphoria. Her thighs clenched around Ben’s face, and she felt all the air expel violently out of her lungs and she shouted his name. Despite all this, she felt him continue to stroke her through her orgasm, as if trying to incapacitate her with pleasure. When she finally came down, she pushed him off, too sensitive to let him continue.

Rey grabbed his hair roughly, pulling his face back up to hers. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and pulled him into a sloppy, but loving kiss. She’d never known such ecstasy. As he responded enthusiastically to her kiss, Rey couldn’t help but notice his hard on pressing against her thigh. Instinctively, she reached down to grasp it, running her palm along the length. He moaned into her mouth in response, his cock twitching in anticipation.

Still out of breath, she could only mutter her next pleading words.

“Now. Inside me.”

Ben’s arm shot out like a gunshot toward his bedside table, rifling through the drawer to pull out a condom. She tried to grab it from him, to maintain control, but he was too quick, ripping the foil and sheathing it onto himself. Before she could establish authority, he entered her in a smooth thrust, making her groan in elation. Still sensitive from her first orgasm, his length felt even larger and warmer than usual. Her legs wrapped themselves around his hips, encouraging him to push deeper. He breathed hard into her neck as he did so, punishing her with the rhythm she’d loved so much in Switzerland. But now they were in his home. On his bed. It made her feel even more desperate for him. Something she’d been trying to avoid- feeling like she couldn’t be without him. It was going to make it even harder to leave.

“Ben,” she moaned, hoping to regain dominance. “Switch.”

He quickly obliged, clearly hellbent on making her happy. He snuck his arms under her to roll her on top of him without pulling out. He gave her a quick kiss before leaning back, resting his hands on her hips. She felt powerful sitting on top of him, able to control things. She set a torturously slow beat, circling her hips as sensually as she could. She saw Ben’s neck strain in effort to keep looking up at her, and with the impatience induced by her unhurried rhythm. She dug her nails into his pecs, trying to convince herself that she was in control. Unfortunately, her legs were still trembling from the explosive orgasm he’d given her with his mouth, and it was making it hard to support herself on top of him. She tried for a few minutes, determined to reign over herself, but she could feel her legs giving out. 

“Ben,” she whimpered, finally, giving up. “I need help,” she said pathetically. 

Ben reached a hand up to cradle her face, an annoyingly adoring expression on his face.

“It’s ok,” he said softly, “I’ve got you, I’ve got you.”

He slowly flipped them back over, gradually reintroducing a satisfying pace. Rey reveled in each push into her, his cock hitting sensitive spots deep within her. She clung desperately to him, and even brought his face down to hers to kiss him as best as she could. Ben kissed every part of her face he could reach- her nose, her lips, even her eyelids. She’d never felt so treasured, and it was breaking her resolve to stay strong, to not let him get to her.

His wanton moans were becoming louder, and they only made Rey’s center heat up more. He seemed close to coming, and he reached down toward her clit to rub her to completion. She was shocked again at his determination for her to come twice before he did once. She lost track of how many times she chanted his name as he filled her and rubbed her, bringing her to the edge. When he kissed her earlobe, she finally let go, letting her walls clench hard around him, releasing his name toward the heavens. Her orgasm was long and slow, and Ben continued to pump into her throughout it. Finally, his own release came, and Rey shamefully wished she could feel the heat of him rush into her without a condom. She held onto him tight, wanting the moment to never end. To not have to go back to their fight, to remember that her heart was in far deeper than his.

Eventually, he relaxed, letting himself rest on top of her for a moment before rolling off. Upon tossing the condom aside, he rolled back into her, pulling her tightly into his body. His warmth and her multiple orgasms had left her exhausted, and she let him cuddle her. She knew she shouldn’t, that it was something he wanted, but she was too blissed out to care. She felt a lump form in the back of her throat, one that wouldn’t let her forget how hurt she was. Her eyes couldn’t stay open, and she let them close. She was angry, and sad, but so comfortable in Ben’s arms. She’d let herself sleep at least for a bit.

She was half unconscious when she heard him- heard him whisper something she didn’t know if she was supposed to hear or not.

“I love you,” he whispered into the night.

Before she could process it, she was asleep, with a tear rolling down her cheek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for all the support, everyone. Hope the holiday season is treating you all well. <3


	16. Missing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben deals with the aftermath of the fight with Rey that never finished.

Ben awoke to warmth on his face, the morning rays of sunlight reflecting off the glistening snow and shooting through his bedroom window, blinding him. He reached over, expecting to find Rey’s smooth skin underneath his palm. Instead, his hand hit the sheets. He reached again blindly, eyes still adjusting to the light. Nothing. Frantic pats now, waiting for his hand to make contact with her body. Nothing.

He shot up, head on a swivel as he looked around his room. There was no sign of her. Only his clothes remained on the floor.

“No, no, no, no, no.”

He sprang out of bed, unconcerned with his nudity as he bolted from the room. The bathroom was empty, the hallway clear. She wasn’t sitting on the kitchen counter, waiting for him to wake up. She wasn’t even in the living area. And her duffel bag, which had barely made it inside the door before they’d attacked each other last night, was nowhere to be found.

She was… gone.

Ben’s panic morphed into despair, clawing at his heart. Had she really left him like this? She’d doubted how much he cared for her. He was never good with words, so he’d tried to _show_ her. Did she not understand? He should have told her. Instead, he’d whispered it into her hair after she’d fallen asleep, like a coward. There was no one he cared about more than her, yet he still had to agree with her that maybe he hadn’t done the best job of proving that. It was hard to remember what it was like for someone who’s name wasn’t slandered in the press everyday, it was hard to put himself in her shoes. But Ben knew that it wasn’t the articles and photos she was mad about. She was mad at him for how he failed to defend her, how he lied. If there was anything he’d learned about her during their week together on the slopes, it was that she’d been hurt too many times before, and that she’d only recently been liberated and took control of her life.

Ben suddenly felt very cold, shivering from the ice shards he felt piercing his heart. He looked down at himself, and realized his nakedness probably wasn’t helping in the brisk winter weather. He returned to his room, but refused to look at his bed. He could only imagine _her_ there now, writhing in the sheets as he worshipped her with his mouth, clawing at his back while he was inside of her. His bed would never look the same again. He avoided it, giving it a wide margin in case he would smell her on it. With a sigh, he threw on some clothes. He was supposed to be training. What time was it? Glancing at his phone, he saw that he was already late, which wasn’t unusual for him. 

Every fiber of Ben’s being resisted going to train at that moment. Every cell was still wrapped up in the sound of Rey’s voice, the feeling of her skin. How could he pretend to have a normal day when she had been there a few hours before? And _left_ him? She had come all the way to surprise him, and Ben’s heart broke all over again at the thought. When she had boarded her plane to come to him, had she been excited? Anxious to see him? And when she got off, had she cried when she checked her phone and saw the poison Snoke had fed to the media? Why didn’t she turn around and hop on another flight back? Instead, she’d come all the way to his house. There had to be a reason. She _had_ to care about him too. A lot. Though she’d said that she’d come to yell at him, he knew that somewhere, maybe deep inside her heart, she’d also come hoping to reconcile, to let him apologize again. Maybe give him another chance that he didn’t deserve. He had a tendency to ruin every good thing in his life, and what he had with Rey was no exception.

Ben wandered back out to the living room, letting himself sink into the armchair. His phone was buzzing, his coach calling yet again, but he let it go to voicemail. He was in no mood to deal with training today. He had hurt the woman he loved yet again, and let her get away. There was no chance she’d make the same mistake twice. He’d lost her forever. He felt his chest thicken, and breath became harder to come by. He could hear the blood rushing in his brain, desperate to transport oxygen that simply wasn’t there. Rey had been able to calm him out of a panic before, but Ben seriously doubted that she would answer his call now.

Without enough energy for the self-doubt to manifest too much, he called her number as a reflex. His heart beat loudly in his own ear as he listened to the rings. Although he didn’t expect her to answer, he was shocked and devastated anyway when she didn’t and it went to voicemail. He was too cowardly to leave a voice message- that would require a mastery of communicating his feelings that he didn’t have, especially in his condition. He hung up, tossing the phone onto the floor. A sudden urge to stomp on it and isolate himself from the world bubbled up inside of him, but his depression and shakiness kept him in the chair and feet safely on the floor.

Time seemed to slow down around him as he struggled to lower his heart rate. Closing his eyes, he resorted to his warped form of meditation that he used before competitions- focusing on the pain and anger in his life and molding it to his benefit- strength. While this did help him breathe easier, it did nothing to dull the agony he felt in his soul. The agony wasn’t only over Rey’s rejection of him, but over the death of part of himself. A part that he needed to resurrect. And he could never resurrect it with Snoke guiding his every move. There was nothing left of the image of Snoke he once believed in- wisdom, power, leadership. There was only the bitter traits left- selfishness, manipulation, and greed. He hated him. It was time for Snoke’s reign over him to end.

Reaching down to pick the phone off of the floor, Ben scrolled to number he always hesitated to call. Closing his eyes as if to dismiss the reality of what he was about to do, he pressed the call button and brought the phone up to his ear.

“Hello?”

“Hi, Mom.”

“Ben?”


	17. Changes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The separation between Rey and Ben is raw, and painful.

Rey’s eyes slowly fluttered open, working hard to break the crust that had formed on her eyelids from falling asleep crying. It had been 246 hours and 12 minutes since she had tucked a strand of Ben’s hair behind his ear and left him asleep in his bed in Colorado. And she still wasn’t over it. She reluctantly sat up in her bed in her room in her Austrian flat, and pondered how exactly she was going to motivate herself to train yet again. Her first FIS World Cup race of the season was fast approaching, and she needed to be in peak shape for it. Three sharp knocks sounded at her door, and a concerned Poe spoke through it.

“Rey-Rey, time for breakfast. You don’t want to be late again today,” he said in a tone that was obviously trying to cheer her up. 

Finn and Poe had been fussing over her ever since she returned. She’d arrived back in Austria only two days after leaving to visit Ben, with swollen eyes and a pale complexion from crying the entire way home. Although she didn’t admit it to them, she thought she may have loved Ben. But when she’d arrived, it became clear to her that he wouldn’t choose her. He’d told her he loved her- whispered it into her hair when she was nearly asleep, but he didn’t act like it. Rey had tried to be patient, to be understanding. It was hard for her to trust people, and yet she’d let Ben into her heart. But she couldn’t let him stay there when he let people trample over him and their relationship.

The only refuge she had was the mountain. There she was powerful, there she was free. The snow and the slopes always carried her- never let her down. She was in the best shape of her life, and was crushing the competition in the Austrian national circuit. But she had no one to share her success with. Finn and Poe were as loving and caring as always, but there was a space inside of her heart in the shape of Ben, and they couldn’t fill it. They kept her eating and training while she dealt with her grief, but only time would heal her hurt. She’d blocked Ben’s number, tired of crying everytime he called or texted. She wished she hadn’t slept with him that night she showed up at his door. Then she wouldn’t know that he loved her too. Then it wouldn’t be as painful.

She got up out of bed, stretching her back slowly as she stood in front of the window, peering at the slopes slowly being exposed by the rising sun. There were times when she thought she was ready to talk to him, to finally get some closure. But the wounds were still raw, and she just needed more time before talking to him. Enough time to harden her shell again.

She wandered out into the main living room, where Poe, bless him, had breakfast waiting for her. She really wouldn’t have made it through the past week and a half without her roommates. She gave him a smile and thanked him, sitting down to tuck into the meal. Poe looked at her with a worried expression before finally speaking.

“I know you may not want to know, but there’s news… about Ky-Ben…”

Rey’s jaw froze mid-chew. Did she want to know? She finished chewing, then slowly swallowed.

“Yes?” she asked.

“He’s…” Poe said, ruffling his hair with his hand, “he announced that he’s retiring. Immediately. Not even finishing out this season.”

“What?!”

“The article didn’t say much else… did you know he was thinking about quitting?”

“I…” Rey responded, still shocked. She hadn’t shared all of the details of the issues Ben was working on with Finn and Poe, back when she was talking with him on the phone every day. She’d wanted to respect his privacy- he’d put his trust in her, and she talked through things with him, trying to help him figure out exactly what he wanted out of his career, out of his relationship with his parents, and how he felt about his agent Snoke.

“I know that’s what he wants...” she finally answered vaguely.

“‘How do _you_ feel about it?” Poe asked softly, taking the seat beside her.

How _did_ she feel about it? Her first instinct was to be happy for him. He’d complained about his lack of enthusiasm for his half-piping career endlessly. It sounded like he was ready to be done. Her second instinct was disbelief- that he finally found a way to leave Snoke, with all of his direct and indirect holds on Ben’s life. Her third feeling was guilt. He’d _told_ her that he was working on things, figuring out his life. Had she not been patient enough? She’d let him hurt her twice. Was that not enough? Maybe he really had been trying. Trying to decide if he’d put her before Snoke, trying to make drastic changes in his life that she had basically offered to him as an ultimatum. Maybe she… maybe Ben wasn’t the only one who made mistakes in their brief relationship. It was all so intense. They’d fallen for each other quickly. He lied to her. She asked him to change himself. He failed her again. She refused to help him. It was a mess, and maybe that wasn’t entirely Ben’s fault. After all, it was he who’d been manipulated by his agent all those years. Rey understood that all too well, having been subject to the control of foster parents who hadn’t had her best interest in mind. She’d been tough enough to get herself out in one piece. Maybe Ben wasn’t. And maybe that wasn’t entirely his fault either.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**_Kylo Ren sues former agency First Order Sports_ **

read the ESPN article title staring back at Ben from his laptop screen. He was wondering how long it would take for the news to reach the press. His mother filed the suit exactly three days prior, about a month after announcing his retirement. Ben honestly was shocked at how long it took for word to spread. No doubt people would be speculating about him, about his career. But he didn’t care anymore. He just didn’t. He just wanted to be Ben. To find belonging- in a business he enjoyed, with his parents, with his few friends, and, in his dreams, with Rey. She wouldn’t respond to his calls or texts, and it was breaking his heart. She’d sent him an email, briefly telling him that she was happy for him that he took the leap and retired, but didn’t answer his responding email. It was possible that she would never speak to him again, but he couldn’t let himself dwell on that depressing thought for too long. 

The only thing he could do was deal with one thing at a time. Now that he was free, and following his mother’s advice by suing Snoke with a few minor charges that his contract allowed him before Snoke got the chance to sue him, he felt like a giant weight was lifted off of him. He even enjoyed boarding again, being able to hit the slopes with a renewed sense of joy and vigor. It was like a giant shadow he didn’t know was there had passed, like he was finally seeing in color. Unfortunately, much of that color was blue due to a distinct lack of Rey in his life. Now it was time to at least try his best.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sexual frustration. That was really the only way to describe it. Rey had tried to masturbate, to find release. She’d orgasmed, but she wasn’t _satisfied_. Dear lord. Did she need some sort of _feelings_ for her orgasm to be good nowadays? What exactly had Ben done to her? Was it his voice that did it for her? The feeling of his skin against hers? Or was it the look in his eyes, the one that made her believe him when she’d accidently heard him profess his love for her? Whatever it was, it was killing her. Not only was she dealing with the emotional part of being apart from him, but apparently her body was missing him too. She closed her eyes, reliving the memory of his hands on her, his lips as they made his way down her chest, her stomach, and down to her folds. Like a fool, she’d let him eat her out. She’d held out, protecting that part of her. But when she’d arrived in Colorado, all she wanted to do was share herself with him completely. It was amazing. She physically responded to it even now, even in her memory. Her nipples were pebbled against her sleep shirt, and she had an overwhelming urge to touch herself. She wished Ben were here to help her. She wanted him to take her, to fill her body and never let go. She wished her broken heart would catch up with what her body wanted.


	18. Carrots: Part II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey sees and unexpected fan at her race.

Rey’s mind wandered as she rode the gondola up to the start house at the top of the peak. She’d gotten her warm up runs in, changed into her final race gear, and was now sitting across from her coach in a gondola on her way to the final at the biggest FIS race of her career. She had a good chance of winning, her time whittled down to her career-best. Normally, she thought about the same things as she made that final trip up the mountain before a final. She would run through the course in her mind, breathing out the rhythms and counting the beats of her race plan. Over and over until she was pushing out of the start gate. 

But today, she was distracted. She really shouldn’t have called Ben that morning. She was smarter than that- smarter than doing something so rash on race day. Thank goodness he hadn’t answered, and she’d chickened out at leaving a voicemail. Why hadn’t he answered? Was he still angry at her for leaving? He’d been trying to contact her for weeks, but she’d been too hurt to respond. When she finally worked up the nerve, on the morning of a race no less, the long rings taunted her, leading her to his voicemail box. She’d had a plan of what to say to him, but not his voicemail. She hung up before the beep came. Panicking, she’d turned off her phone, cursing herself for letting herself think about him and all of the problems between them before her race. She was hoping to qualify for the Olympics next year- and this season’s performance would greatly affect her race schedule for the following season. 

Her coach, Ackbar, was watching her carefully. She knew that he could tell that she was distracted. She shot him a quick smile, trying to reassure him that she was fine. They very frequently went hours at a time without speaking, that was their style. She always seemed to know exactly what he was going to say. 

She closed her eyes, trying to force her mind to refocus. She imagined the race course, how it looked when she stood in the start gate. She imagined the feel of her feet in her boots, where she would apply pressure when lining up. She went through the first few pushes in her mind, how many it would take to build speed. Then she went through each turn, calculating just the angles she would need to shave valuable microseconds off of her time. She would need to rely on her training. She felt confident in all of the hard work she’d put in. She could hear Ackbar’s words inside of her head, guiding and encouraging her. She imagined the smell of the snow, of the bitter air. Yes, this was more like it. No distractions, just skiing. What she was meant to do.

Rey remained focused, hopping out of the gondola, taking her gear into the heated tent, and suiting up. She did her pre-race rituals- tapping each side of her helmet, three pats down the back of her boots, all the little things that made up her arbitrary routine that kept her mind in the racecourse. Ackbar said the same few words he always did, playing his part in the choreography they’d done countless times together. Before she knew it, a tech assistant was lining her up at the start gate, and she was off. 

Every breath seemed to slow down time. She saw each snowflake as she passed by it, spinning in the breeze. She clipped each gate with the exact amount of force needed, tightening different muscles at each turn. Even the air currents were with her, pushing and lifting at just the right moments. As she barreled toward the finish, she wished the course was another mile long.

Time seemed to reaccelerate as she sped through the finish line, sliding to a stop in front of the fence separating her from the crowd. After a few hard breaths, sound came back to her ears.

“... and that’s a career-best for Rey Sands, and she moves into the lead!”

The crowd roared, supporting her performance. Rey pumped a fist in the air, unable to even shout for joy. Her mental function returned after a few seconds and a few breaths later. She was able to recognize the newscaster approach her with a microphone, so she pulled her goggles up to her helmet.

“Rey, you’ve just taken first place with only two women to go, how do you feel?”

“Awesome,” she answered. “I’ve been training really hard, and it feels good to see the reward.”

The newscaster asked her another question, but Rey didn’t hear it. Because in the corner of her peripheral vision, she saw a funny sign that someone was holding up.

**_Rey’s  
#1 Fan_ **

it read, with a giant, poorly drawn carrot next to it.

Beneath the sign, she saw a mop of long, black hair.

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ben had watched old race clips of Rey on the internet, and he had obviously skied with her, but seeing her race in person was something else completely. It was electrifying. She was powerful, she was graceful, she was commanding. She had a unique style- simultaneously flowy and high-impact. It suited her perfectly. His heart swelled with an enormous amount of admiration as he watched her crush the course, sending her time to the top of the leaderboard, with only two mediocre racers left. He led out a loud shout as she crossed the finish line, basking in the crowd’s response to her time. She deserved it.

He held up his crudely made sign, watching a smile form on her face when she saw her time, pumping her fist in the air. He wanted to go over to her, to lift her up in the air, to celebrate her victory with her. She had many races left in the season, but a first place finish was always worth celebrating when you were working your way up in the circuit. This would definitely help her seeding.

He watched Rey with a smile as the reporter approached her. He saw her chest heave with the effort of regaining her breath and speaking at the same time, and felt his own chest contract in response. Suddenly, her head whipped around to face him. Her expression was unreadable for a moment. Then he saw her eyes move a micrometer downwards, catching his face. She _definitely_ saw him. Her face was blank, as if her brain was still too oxygen-deprived to realize it was him. Slowly, her eyes widened. He saw her mumble something to the reporter, and drop her poles. She skated slowly over to the section of the plastic fencing between them, where he was nestled right up against it. He still couldn’t tell if she was happy or angry to see him. He’d taken a leap of faith, just showing up at her race. He’d wanted to tell her that he was coming, but he didn’t want to distract her. He knew all about how distractions could affect an athlete’s performance. 

She stopped right in front of him. He brought his sign down from above his head, resting it on the fence. Rey’s eyes darted in between it and his face, as if she still couldn’t believe that he was really there, like she was imagining him.

“Rey?” he asked quietly, still scared of what she might say to him. To be rejected in front of an entire crowd would not only be painful, but embarrassing.

Her eyes flicked back up to his, and, in the most relieving moment of Ben’s life, a huge smile broke out on her face. She pushed herself on her skis the rest of the way toward him, right into the flimsy fencing. She grabbed his face with her cold gloves and planted a kiss on his lips, pulling him as close to her as she could.

Ben broke out into a laugh, a combination of joy, relief, and release. She’d taken his appearance at her race a lot better than he expected, honestly. When she pulled away at his laugh, he could see a tear running down her face. It looked like the mix of the endorphins of the race and the emotions of their reunion were getting to her. He peeled off a glove to wipe away the tear with his thumb before settling his palm on her cheek and giving her another kiss. 

He could hear a loud collection of whoops and jeers around them, everyone seeming to be in on their wordless greeting. Ben pulled back to rest his forehead against Rey’s, absorbing the familiar energy flowing between them, elated to be so close to her again. He wouldn’t forsake this again- this feeling. He would never let her go.

“Is that her boyfriend?” he heard someone near him ask.

“I thought she was dating Kylo Ren...”

“No, they broke up...”

“No look, that’s definitely him...”

He felt Rey’s breath across his face as she laughed, leaning back to look into his eyes. She was as beautiful as he remembered. Stunning. There was so much he wanted to say to her, so much he wanted to apologize for, but the loving look on her face left him speechless.

“How’s retirement, old man?” she asked, breaking the ice, that mischievous smile that he loved making an appearance.

He snorted and moved his hands to her shoulders, giving them a slight jostle.

“Great, now I can follow my favorite skier around at all of her races.”

“Stalker.”

“You love it.”

Rey surprised him by looking down for a moment, a lovely blush appearing on her already red, cold face. Her next words were so quiet that he didn’t even hear them over the noise of the crowd.

“What was that?” he asked.

Rey looked back up at him, now scowling.

“I said I love you, you idiot!” she said fiercely, brows furrowing.

Ben let out a laugh at the confession of love only Rey could give. He wrapped his arms around her, leaning down again to kiss her thoroughly, not minding at all that her helmet was digging painfully into his forehead.

He pulled away to see her scowl wasn’t gone.

“You’re supposed to say it back, wanker.”

“Rey,” he said, unable to wipe the amused grin off of his face, “I love you. I wish I had said it sooner, and not while you were asleep. I love you. I love you.”

He saw Rey’s expression soften.

“I know,” she said, “I heard you say it in bed in Colorado.”

“And you left me anyway?”

“You know I had to,” she said sadly. She was right, he knew she was. “I’m sorry though, it was still shitty to do.”

“I forgive you, but I know what I’ve done is far worse,” he said darkly.

“Hey,” she said, grabbing a handful of his hair with her glove. “We’ll talk about this later. I’m just glad you’re here.”

Ben smiled.

“Me too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just one more chapter y'all. I told you our snow bunnies would be reuniting =]


	19. Future

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Ben are finally back together.

Every second she spent away from Ben when he was mere meters away was killing her. Rey still had to go through all of the post-race particulars even after finding her lover waiting for her at the finish line. She waited and watched the last racers since there were only two remaining. Her time kept her on top of the podium. She was quickly shepherded to one of her sponsors’ tents where she had some stored of her warmer gear. After shucking off her ski boots and helmet and shin guards and throwing a few layers on top of her racing suit, she was guided back to the podium for the brief medal ceremony. Then, as always, she had to meet up with her coach for a post-race debrief. They would have a more thorough one back at home where they would review the race footage, but her coach liked to provide her with immediate feedback- always adjusting, always improving. Rey told Ackbar about her boyfriend’s unexpected arrival, so he was merciful and kept their meeting brief. Her hands shook in excitement as she changed her clothes and packed all of her gear into the appropriate bags that her sponsor would ship back home for her. As soon as she could, she sent her feet pounding through the snow back to the now well dispersed crowd, where she easily found Ben’s head rising above everyone else’s. His height was occasionally quite useful.

“Ben!” she shouted gleefully, still running high on the endorphins from her win and reunion with him earlier.

She saw him crack a huge smile when his eyes found her running toward him. She practically launched herself at him. Thankfully, he was sturdy enough to catch her and keep them upright, but his sign was dropped carelessly to the ground.

“No!” she said desperately, scrambling down to pick the sign off of the ground. “I want to save this!”

“Really?” Ben chuckled. “Why?”

“I love it.”

“I have terrible handwriting. And drawing skills.”

“But _you_ made it. So I love it.”

“I’ve missed you.”

Ben leaned down toward her face to place a gentle kiss on her nose. Having none of his patience, Rey captured his lips before he could pull away, giving him a brief but heated kiss. The way he looked down at her when she pulled back nearly made her tear up again, but she was able to hold it together this time. She knew for a fact that they would make it work, that nothing would come between them any more. 

“It sounds like you have a lot for me to catch up on,” she said, grabbing his hand.

“I guess I do,” he responded with a melancholy yet relieved smile. 

It was clear he’d been through a lot. She’d wanted to talk to him for days, weeks, really ever since she left him in his bed alone. She’d wanted to talk when it was announced he had retired, when he filed his lawsuit against his agent. But she’d still been hurt, still been figuring out her feelings. Now, she regretted not calling him. She should have been a better friend.

“I should have been there, when you did those things,” she said sadly. She didn’t need to elaborate, he knew what she was talking about.

“No,” he said, “I needed to do those on my own. For myself. You have done so much for me already- you’re the reason I finally woke up and did what I needed to do.”

“I told you once that I’d be there for you, that I’d be your friend. I didn’t keep that promise,” Rey said, realizing now more than ever how her silence must have hurt him.

“Rey-” Ben said seriously, wrapping an arm around her waist in an embrace, “you had every right to be angry with me after what Sn-... after what I did to you.”

Rey leaned her head into his chest, taking a deep breath, centering herself with his presence.

“Well I’m not leaving you again,” she said forcefully, making Ben laugh, his chest vibrating against his cheek.

“Nothing would make me happier.”

“You’re a cheeseball.”

“So I’ve been told before.”

Rey tilted her head up to look at Ben’s face. He was grinning at her. With one of those big, stupid grins she loved on him. It reminded her of their week together in Switzerland at Rey’s favorite resort. Yeah, they definitely needed to go back there sometime.

“Well,” she said. “I’m starving, we need to find somewhere to eat. You ever been here before?”

“No,” Ben answered, pulling away slightly to grab her hand and start walking toward the resort town. “They don’t have a half pipe here.”

“Oh yeah,” Rey muttered, embarrassed that she had already pseudo-forgotten about his multi-Olympic medal-winning halfpipe career.

“Nice alpine course though,” he commented.

“Yeah, it was a great course. I wanted to last a few kilometers longer.”

Ben laughed at that, leaning over to press a kiss into her hand.

“That’s how you know you still love racing,” he said.

Rey reflected on that, happy that it rang true for her. Her career was just beginning.

“I can’t wait to go to all of your races,” Ben said as they wandered down a street, looking for someplace to eat.

“What?! No!”

“What? Why?” he asked, a puzzled expression on his face.

“You’re not allowed at any more races! You’ll make me nervous!”

“Nervous? Rey… you’re like the least nervous person ever.”

“And you want to _change_ that?” she asked exasperatedly, raising her eyebrows at him.

“Why would I make you nervous?”

“Because you- you’re- you know…”

“What?”

“Famous!”

Ben looked at her for a second before bursting into laughter.

“When has that ever bothered you before?” he asked, still laughing.

“It doesn’t bother me!” Rey answered, “you’ve just won a lot and that puts a lot of pressure on me!”

“Why?”

“Because everyone will be comparing me to you!”

“Rey,” Ben said, tucking her into his side and taking the sign from her as they continued walking, “I know for a fact that you’re completely self-driven. Not even I could push you harder for success than you push yourself. We both know you won’t stop until you’re the best you can be. Actually scratch that, you won’t stop ever. Period.”

“I guess…”

“Without me, who’s going to be holding up terribly drawn signs?” he asked with a grin, holding up the evidence.

“You better not distract me with that shit at every finish line.”

“Oh, well now I have to,” he said with a smug grin. Rey punched him lightly in the gut.

“Besides, are you still planning on starting your snowboard business? I have a race every week for the rest of the season- you won’t have time to follow me around.”

“I am,” he answered. “Actually, I have news on that. It’s sort of going to be a family business.”

“Really?” Rey asked, shocked due to her knowledge of Ben’s relationship with his parents.

“Yeah…” he said. “Working with my mom on the Snoke stuff has helped with the whole thing with my parents. And my mom wants to retire from her law firm anyway. So they offered to go in on the business with me. It will be good having business partners I know I can trust, even if we still aren’t totally good yet.”

“Plus you won’t have to do everything yourself.”

“Yeah,” he said, “that too. And… there’s something else…” he said shyly.

“What is it?” Rey asked nervously, hoping it wasn’t something bad.

“We’re going with the buy one give one business model,” he said, avoiding her gaze. “Every board sold will give a rental and a lesson to a kid in the foster system.”

Rey froze, standing in the street as Ben took a few steps before noticing she had stopped. A massive lump formed in her throat. _He didn’t._

“Rey?” he asked, looking back worriedly at her.

“You…” she stammered.

“Is that… ok?” he asked, walking back to her.

Rey’s mind flashed back to her very first ski lesson, funded by a grant that sponsored foster kids to learn winter sports. The first time she felt herself fly across the snow. Her first ski team practice. Her first race. Her first medal. Every first she had experienced because someone had thought about the foster kids for once. And Ben was asking her if it was _ok_.

She stared at him, still unable to speak. No one had ever done anything like this for her before. _This_ was love, she realized. It really was.

She closed the distance between them, falling into his arms. He wrapped them around her quickly, sign and everything, nuzzling his nose into the top of her head.

“Thank you,” she whimpered, struggling to keep the tears locked away yet again. She would cry later, in private, not in the middle of the street.

Ben didn’t say anything. He just held her, letting her compose herself. After a minute, she pulled away just enough to meet his eyes again.

“I mean it Ben, thank you. I can’t-... you’ll never know how much this means to me.”

Ben responded with a kiss, telling her with his lips how much he loved her. It must have lasted longer than Rey realized, for they only stopped when they heard catcalls teasing them from down the street. She blushed, tucking her face into Ben’s chest to conceal her laughter.

“You’re welcome,” he whispered to her, pulling her back alongside of him to continue down the street.

They let silence fall over them, Rey thankful for the quiet as she continued pondering his gift to her. Eventually, they passed by what looked like a casual pub, exactly what Rey wanted.

“Entschuldigen Sie,” she said to the hostess just inside the doorway, “Einen Tisch für zwei, bitte.”

She felt Ben’s eyes on her as the hostess led them to a booth.

“You speak German?” he said lowly once the hostess left, leaning toward her. 

Rey laughed.  
“You do remember I live in this country, right?”

“Hey,” Ben said, raising his hands in defense. “Just color me impressed.”

“I’m good at picking up languages,” she shrugged. “The menus will have English too since this is a resort town, so you won’t need me to translate,” she said, unable to conceal her proud smile.

“Damn,” he said. “I was hoping I’d get to hear more. Maybe in bed later.”

Rey snorted and nearly choked on the sip of water she was taking.

“Jesus, Ben. German turns you on? Not exactly a sexy language.”

“Maybe not to you.”

“You’re such a weirdo.”

“So I've been told.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp, that wraps this one up with a fluffy bow. Thanks again, everyone, for all the amazing support. I've had so much fun... I've never creatively written anything before this past year with my two first fics. And stepping out of my comfort zone and sharing it has been far more enjoyable than I imagined.
> 
> I've just started my third ever fic, second of the ski AU variety. It's called Bunny Hill and I just recently posted the first chapter. So if you're into the winter/ski AU, check it out. Different setting/character roles.
> 
> Thanks again, hugs for you all.


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